A post so nerdy that if it were a person, it would wear plastic Spock ears everywhere. Even to bed (where it would sleep alone. So alone).

Hey ho, just another note to say that i am eating chocolate chip cookies with milk . Not entirely sure why tasty food makes me want to blog but it does (you know, i actually wrote that two days ago. I’m still eating cookies. Only this time: with tea). I don’t even have any news (still true really). Although  i did have a lovely picnic in Richmond Park with Jess (who made some awesome gingerbread. Unfortunately, gingerbread always reminds me of dictators. Possibly because i once wrote something about Stalin and Hitler made out of gingerbread…my old notebooks are filled with stuff like that), Hannah (who made delicious shortbread. Fortunately, shortbread does dot remind me of any dictators) and Fia (who bought brownie). What delightful japes we had. We laughed at Jess who was stuck in a tree for 20 minutes, climbed a tree (yeah i fail at tree-climbing. I have grazes! I’m one of the Von Trapp children!)  and sat in it whilst Jess read to us from “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” and made phone calls to Tookey (because calling her by her first name would be boring). How ridiculously delightful.

Whilst everyone is at work experience (why am i not? because i am only doing one week. because i am an idiot) i’ve been reading (still haven’t finished Portrait of a Lady. Majorly distressed by recent huge event in book mentioned in a ridiculously casual way), listening to stupid music (more on that later) and of course surfing the internet.  I happened to stumble across the “A- Z of Awesomeness” drawn by some dude called Neill which put weird ideas into my head. They are, unsuprisingly, wonderfully geektacular. Below are some of the ones i really liked (i wanted to think of something which “SODU” could be an acronym for. But if i switched the photos around it could read “SUDO” and sudo must be something nerdy because it was mentioned on XKCD) (yeah a sudo command is some kind of computer programme used on Unix operating systems) (note: i am so happy when i understand the science/computer/maths jokes on XKCD):

It is like awesome squared!

It is like awesome squared!

Wow: it is like everything i love all in one. Star Trek, Doctor Who, senseless murder and disco dancing. Plus they are excellent ideas for fanfiction crossover stories…(hahaha. Never again. me and fanfiction just don’t mix because my writing is so egocentric. hence the blog. And what would start as a cute story about Uhura and unicorns would probably end up being a graphic description of Doctor McCoy having a threesome with those two Rigelian caberet girls in Shore Leave) (in my defence Mr Rodenberry: why would you give character the nickname “Bones” if you didn’t want people to write smut about him?) (….though actually that would be wrong as the cabaret girls are actually temporary illusions but never mind. he always has Yeoman Barrows) (you know i could go on for hours in these brackets. Thank god I am seeing people this weekend or i would go crazy).

As you can see I’ve just gone all nerd-crazy. Particularly because after watching John Green’s video about Sarah Palin resigning (i think john should get his own news channel so i would a) watch the news and b) understand it). See now that doesn’t sound too nerdy until you remember him saying he supports Chewbacca/Hans Solo for 2012. Then i immediately thought “no way! Paul Maud’Dib/Mr Spock!” because i had actually been thinking of nerdy president combinations.  *facepalm*. See that would be the combo i would choose if we were thinking who would be good at running the country (they’re like ultra-sexy supercomputers with the combined power of the Fedaykin and Starfleet at their beck and call. Plus Paul could tell when diplomats were lying. Spock also makes like the best second-in-command ever. His talents are wasted on Kirk). (actually if the Dune/Trek universes ever came together Kirk would pioneer a gaming show where men wrestle shirtless whilst on top of Sandworms. Kirk does love his shirtless combat).

Okay…okay…non-nerd stuff to talk about…(hey thank god i didn’t watch the new Torchwood)….see this is ridiculous. Wikipedia is not helping. The only item of interest on this desk is a hand puppet but there isn’t that much you could say about that. All attempts to make my life exciting fail actually. Like yesterday:

Mum: Oh wow Olivia look! Look at the White City on the hill! (*points into distance where lo and behold: there is a collection of white buildings). Isn’t it majestic?

Me: Um…majestic? (oh by the way it is a dark afternoon. it is raining)

Mum: Yes! (*sighing*) aaah Carshalton!

Me: Carshalton. You honestly think Carshalton looks like a magical city? It isn’t a city, let alone a magical one

Mum: Of course it is magical! You were born there!

To conclude: my mother is lovely and sweet but completely crazy.

(yeah it feels wrong to have a post which talks about my mother and hypothetical threesomes but that is apparently just the way i roll)

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Like Wow!

I actually managed to learn stuff today!

I memorised all of Boudicca’s Rebellion! And all (read: all but two paragraphs) or Caesar and the Druids!

…yeah i kinda didn’t get around to learning all my case studies for geography or the roman life. I hope the geography paper tomorrow looks like this: “Use the following pages to rant about the Solomon Islands. Be sure to discuss to what extent logging companies are greedy bitches” and i would be all “they are so amazingly greedy and bitchy that only 2% of the profit from logging goes back to the local people. The logging companies are totally breaking their contracts!”

(sorry i feel compelled to mention this blog is being done in darkness, my ears constantly alert to warn me if someone is bumbling my way, duvet ready to cover the laptop, Mission Impossible theme tune playing in my head…okay not that last one. But still. Blogging in the dark late at night definitely feels cooler than mid-afternoon blogging. If only i was blogging about something important! I mean, managing tourism and the environment is important, but i highly doubt  that Malaysian logging companies are going to send over some assassins to kick my ass. Clearly their assassins are busy trying to kill the leaders of the Isabella Project…

Now I’m just imagining what super powers “Ethically Sourced Wood Man!” would have if there was a superhero for that kind of thing…see the only thing i can think of is “he uses a chainsaw for discriminate logging, his powers of chainsaw-wielding are lessened when bulldozers are in the nearby vicinity”. However having crazy chainsaw skills doesn’t make you a superhero, it makes you a serial killer. Or like a lumberjack. Or a serial killer lumberjack. So err…maybe he has the power to make trees grow? Or put nutrients back in the soil? “GadzooksEthically Sourced Wood Man! The whole area has been bulldozed by those lousy brutes! This area will never recover!”, “Never fear my little sidekick- i will make this area green again!”. Now that is so totally a failed TV show in the making)

(i wonder if the sidekick has a name? This poor boy, cruelly orphaned when the logging company killed his parents for refusing to let them buy their land, having to fend for himself in the forest, learning to love the forest, becoming one with the forest…maybe Setiawan, an Indonesian boy’s name meaning “Faithful” (thank you internet) which is appropriate for a sidekick. (i had fun with name generators whilst finding that. Apparently if i was a sex machine i should call myself “Alicia Amante”, mormon “Alvira Arvalynne”, a poet “Penelope Albatross”, a vulcan “T’Sais”, a goth “Cryptic Slaughter” and finally as a zombie “Aaaeiaaagh “Bondage Ninja” Goooarargh!”. Far, far too much time on my hands).

*Please note* this is the part of the blog where the rap breaks down, it’s real intense, no one makes a sound i am going to ramble on about Star Trek. I’m telling you because it’s seriously boring, but if i don’t type it the you never know what might happen with the pent up nerdiness. I might do something awful like start writing yaoi fan fiction. Really poorly written fan fiction at that.

I am so awake. I was feeling so grumpy from having to actually work and commit things to memory i indulged in what is like the nerd equivalent of watching S&M porn: Patterns of Force, the episode of Star Trek where Kirk and Spock are shirtless and get whipped by Nazis . Ridiculous i know. And not nazis but aliens imitating the nazi regime because a historian decided that if a “benign” nazi regime was started the planet would benefit because the regime could pull them out of their economic slump and so on. This plan goes wrong obviously. But still an interesting idea. The writers of star trek want to “raise some issues” with their ideas like putting human brains into androids, how people need both the good and “evil” side of their personalities, severe consequences of culture clashes, the whole “Jack the Ripper is actually an alien entity who survives on fear” thing (…I’m joking: hopefully that isn’t a real theory. But still. that episode was hilarious), the episode “A Private Little War” was meant to be a commentary on Vietnam but it had to get toned down a little, man’s need for freedom (you can so tell it’s an american show)….however these kinda get overshadowed by things such as “huh…Spock is wandering around a nazi laboratory half-naked” or “…did Kirk really just ask “What’s your beef?” in a poor 1920’s gangster accent?”.  (now, does saying that make Kirk an innovator because Star Trek was made in the sixties, or does in make him old school because he’s in the future? I think he meant it to be old-school, but either way he ends up sounding like an absolute idiot)

Sorry: i am going to take a moment to hit my head repeatedly in the realisation that in my brain shirtless men take precedence over contemplation of serious issues. I can’t even pretend it’s history revision anymore.  Le sigh.

okay i totally just had an idea. Next time i talk about star trek i can warn you with this picture:

Spock pulls around the universe, from Omicron Ceti III to the Bay...

Spock pulls around the universe, from Omicron Ceti III to the Bay...

 

…I would be tempted to rewrite all the lyrics to U Can’t Touch This but who am I to mess with perfection?

Captain’s Blog?

I apologise for the lack of updates in a time when people need absolutely any distraction at all. Currently feeling dehydrated and despite the fact that it is currently 4:42 am i feel very awake. Inflamed with nerdy rage you could say. I actually haven’t been updating because daytime is spent revising and nighttime is spent watching Star Trek. This could count as revision. I now know potassium nitrate and sulphur can make gunpowder. This knowledge will be essential for survival next time i am forced into combat with a slow, immensely strong alien on a desert planet (which is actually California). I have also gained random physics knowledge (…which can’t actually be applied to this universe. But hey. Definitely not going to try and find a way into an paralell universe to try and kill parallel-universe me anytime after watching that episode). I am glad that I’ve done biology and therefore won’t get confused by the discovery of silicon-based lifeforms (um…who look like horribly designed rugs with a lot of stuff shoved underneath them. Gosh I love how terrible the special effects are). Also i have yelled “honestly- when will people realise time travel is a bad idea!?” more than is socially acceptable.

I’m really sorry if i have infected you with my nerdiness. But it seems to be the only thing calming me down recently (just a thought: Captain Kirk is an excellent blogger. I mean, i know it’s his log, and it’s voice recorded, but still! Always something interesting to say! Updating even when he is about to be killed! He is indeed a blogging hero for our times). It’s like…why worry about my GCSEs when i probably don’t exist because of the eugenics war at around the time i was born? Why should i be sad when Spock just unknowingly quoted The Princess Bride (“as you wish” and “inconceivable!”)? Are GCSEs more difficult than having to let your love die so that germany didn’t win World War Two (William Shatner and Joan Collins…they do totally work as a couple) or being forced into mortal combat with your best friend because some stupid evil bitch  didn’t realise that Spock was a fine piece of pointy-eared booty?

(And another question: did the writers of the show have a challenge to see who could come up with the weirdest way of getting Kirk’s shirt ripped off?)

…I just realised how ridiculous the plots are (the shirt ripping is also ridiculous. You would expect a captain to have sturdier shirts). But i am still totally mad at T’Pring (aforementioned stupid evil bitch) for choosing to reject Spock (the man-vulcan hybrid has crazy eyebrow gymnastic skills!). I mean how could she resist?

Just kidding. I actually have a nerdy crush on Leonard McCoy because he is a doctor dammit, not an escalator.

(just to clarify: i don’t have a crush on either of them, but if they had a child it would have eyebrows dexterous enough to beat the children off the cadbury’s advert)

(contemplation of that line has caused the people in my head to have an argument about the specifics of an escalator eugenics war…which should be the name of a band! The Escalator Eugenics War. I would like to wish happy birthday to Hannah’s Brother Adam, who needs a name for his band. I know, it was his birthday yesterday but i didn’t wish him happy birthday on facebook because i am spending my time looking at who joins which fan pages and groups. It is most enlightening in some cases. Though there are no prizes for guessing which friend proudly supports “Anal- Up the Chuff!”)

Nerdcore and the Jews on the Moon

Hello…blog people. My perception of time might be a little screwed as i haven’t been keeping normal hours. By which i mean i went to sleep at 8am this morning. And the day before that i went to bed at around 6am. See, this would be acceptable if i was out clubbing and not staying up… watching Peep Show and Star Trek (sorry. my nerdy feelings are just made worse by “I fought the law” just coming on the radio. Also because i feel i need to clarify i was watching the original Star Trek).

OKay to explain that bracket: me, Imogen and fia went to watch Star Trek on Thursday because we are nerdcore (great. now Chuck Berry is singing “No particular place to go”…) and also kinda because Hank Green said it was really good (and i trust Hank because he is a star trek nerd. and yes, at some point in the film Imogen did turn around and ask “What would Captain Picard do?”). And it was just amazingly awesome! Though this could be because i was getting a bit too emotionally involved with the whole plot (i think this was justified! however i get the feeling fia and Imogen disapproved. but! but! *flaps arms around and makes squeaky noises*).  Plus, Zachary Quinto was adorable as Spock.

Anyway, because it rocked i am kinda watching some of the original star trek because i have never actually seen any. I watched Star Trek: The Next Generation enough to really like Captain Picard because he was just awesomely awesome, but not enough to think that watching Star Trek was an acceptable excuse not to go to the school disco (sorry but the old school discos were amazing, so i always remembered that excuse). 

So original star trek is pretty enjoyable, especially with all the cheesy special effects which are actually pretty endearing (…sorry advert for the “red hot channel” just came on the radio. scares me every time).  Plus, because i was having to tell my mother that yes, Leonard Nimoy is definitely Jewish (i find it odd how Spock has always been more recognisable to me than Kirk, a more comforting figure. I mean, i always think William Shatner is dead. That is comforting at all. ) i have found out some cool things about Jewish people in space (unfortunately, no Jewish people have been on the moon….though “Jews on the Moon” is the name of a short science fiction story i just found…in 2053 the Jewish people are apparently living on the dark side of the moon and all the gentiles had a party. Don’t worry though, life on earth sucks but the Jews have actually made a fantastic place for themselves on the moon. Actually “life disintegrated” without the Jews. Anyway, god decides to destroy the earth, which makes so “the Jews on the moon went into a period of deep mourning”. gosh that is such a weird sentence to type. Anyway, the story had no real ending, but if you’re interested: Hitler’s last remaining relative is in Brazil).

…sorry i got distracted by reading that. I was going to say that there have only been like 9 Jewish astronauts (by which i mean, when i search “Jewish astronauts” on wiki, it gives me nine names). Unfortunately two of them were killed, Judith Resnik of the Challenger and Illan Ramon of the Columbia. ON a lighter note, David Wolf was the first american to vote in space and Greg Chamitoff was the first person to bring bagels into space (which were from his cousin’s bakery, which is cute).

Anyway, aside from the nerdiness, it was my father’s birthday yesterday (…okay i could nerdify that so easily. Because the 22nd is also Jeffrey Rowland’s birthday. never mind)! So we went to eat at an italian restaurant and it was all lovely and happy (i had oreos for breakfast this morning. which isn’t really relevant. i just wanted to put another bracket in here).

So tra la la, i have time off from exams. To revise! To maybe start watching Heroes (hello!? why did no one tell me there was implied brain eating fia!?) and finish Grey’s Anatomy. I am saving Peep Show for when i really need it, which is before chemistry and physics exams.

(…i would just like to say “Nerdcore and the Jews on the Moon” sounds like a good band name. I am getting better on guitar if anyone is interested).

(oh and another thing- my mum never really watched star trek…but she insists that i say “Captain Kirk” instead of just “Kirk”. She is clearly crazy and is probably harbouring a secret love of Kirk. Which is weird, because he has moobs. Moobs! Spock beats Kirk anyday. Spock never steals cars whilst listening to the Beastie Boys).