Sharp as a Tack

I have just taken the plaster off my finger. It looks whiter than the rest of my finger and surprisingly still hurts which is weird because i only cut it on my braces. Which are coming off hopefully on Thursday! I realise this may be a stupid way to start a blog, but watching foreign films makes me believe i don’t actually speak english and so my thoughts get muddled as i try to think in spanish or whatever. This was made worse by the fact in “Lovers of the Arctic Circle” they sometimes speak english so i was like “wow- i don’t need to read the subtitles…oh. oh wait. its english”.

I wish i didn’t speak english. Or maybe just didn’t type in english. When i am blogging or using a computer the use of phrases like “so totally” or “i was like” or really just anything i type sounds weird. I am told a lot that i am very smart. I go to a grammar school. I am the youngest and only girl in my family. My friends are nice people. This means means the only person who insults me is my brother. My brothers weird way of insulting me means i have an irrational fear that other people will also begin to point out i have a face. I have to tell myself that other people have faces, it is not just me. But then doubt sets in and i wonder if everyone is just being polite in not informing me of the deformity. So when you are smart and realise you type like a jackass, you get worried was basically the point of this paragraph.

The summarise the point of this paragraph so you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to: the internet is making me feel insecure. This is because i keep getting emails from facebook giving me my “social status”. I am apparently more desirable than less than 20% of people. Another thing. I quote (well, copy and paste): “Political power! Is a pyramid of how many people trust the people that trust you. And the people that trust them – it goes pretty far. This number also means that if you wanted to send a message or thought to the whole world, these are the people who would accept your message as trustworthy, because they have faith in people who have faith in you. Think of it as your influence and reach.” I come 47th on this list of political power. Also on the “compare people” application, my best ranking is “10th most likely to win in a fight” on facebook. On my bebo my best ranks are better, 4th most trustworthy and generous”.

 i am never in the list of hottest or smartest people…i am not sure why this is so upsetting. These lists don’t matter and the people on there are who you would expect to be voted onto these things. But i am in the mood to relish the cliched “why am i not one of those pretty, sporty popular girls? i am nice! i can be funny” etc, to expand on that just watch an american high school chickflick. On the plus side, maybe i’ll have a funny song written about me by a cute yet dorky member of a indie band. Again, see that american high school chickflick. I don’t see why anyone would bother reading this blog, just watch bad movies. All the sentiments are basically the same. Though maybe they don’t spend so much time daydreaming and attempting to do the robot to KC and the Sunshine band and just wishing that they wouldn’t feel so self conscious so for once they could just rock out and head bang to Cherry Pie by Warrant. The guys drumming on cherry pies! Does no one else love this!?

Thought: What happened to the lead singer form Warrant Jani Lane? He is…kinda cute in that video in a american glam metal way. But according to wikipedia he got fat. (weird, weird sentence to type). He apparently went on celebrity fit club 2. How utterly depressing. But wikipedia also says Warrant have gotten back together. Hmm…looking on his new website, he is no longer fat. I guess reality TV has its uses after all…unless it was all faked and the celebs were are just in it to try and restart their careers and were secretly wearing fat suits the whole time. Anyway. He is no longer fit. Damn. But the lady woman in that video married him! Jeez!

Second thought: Wikipedia has so much information it is untrue and i actually spend all my IT classes flicking through stuff. For instance, i know all about the iranian crown jewels (which are awesome) and the biggest jewel heist in american history.

Third Thought: Tom Waits. His music is really like nothing i have heard. Well, his voice. The music is odd, yes, but not so as creepy as his voice. Go check it out. As far as i am concerned, the song “Big in Japan” is  weirder(though nowhere weird as he gets, the Rain Dogs album is plain scary) and probably better than the stuff that is big in Japan. Note to Zoë: Melt Banana. Nothing particularly new sounding to me. Odd, but not incredibly original. Plus, the video for Big in Japan has Godzilla in it! We all love Godzilla!

Not really related to any of the above: Doctor Who. It had to be said. Loved this week’s episode! I believe something said in Doctor Who confidential sums it up (something like): “It was the convential Agatha Christie story…but the murderer was a shape shifting alien”. I believe all i can say to that is…lol. Perfect casting for Agatha Christie, well done to David Tennant for the suggestion. Also- loving the random flashbacks and the…the randomness “oh, what are you doing with that lead piping”. murdering you. duh.


Close but No Cigar

Where does that phrase come from? I am confuzzled! Did someone look at a cigarette once and go “close, but no cigar”? Ah well. It is thinking thoughts like that which has helped me survive a) NO INTERNET! which is why i haven’t updated…or been able to keep up with anything b) Being back at school mainly c) During chemistry. Why does this subject exist? Which brings us nicely to d) Physics. This subject is obviously just imaginary. Hello!? Atoms? Everything being made up of these teensy vibrating things? We think we’re so clever.

First week back was made bearable by two extremely hardcore parties.

Party One: Ellen’s (a.k.a Lenni, Leonard, Leonardo) 15th at Wagamas. This was awesome! We were yelling our heads off, pretending to be ood (Hannah favours wild ood, Imogen prefers slave ood), trying to eat with chopsticks (well, i say “trying” but that really only applies to me…i think i got noodle all over the people next to me), giving Ellen presents(i gave her a picture book entitled “Leonardo the Terrible Monster”-my present totally pwnd everyone else’s) and talking about the brief scene of nakedness in the production of Romeo and Juliet we saw (i got a good view, but it totally wasn’t worth it. hence all the laughter. would feel sorry for the guy, but he was an absolutely rubbish Romeo).  Wandered around afterward and almost fell in river. *does celebratory dance*

Party Two: Sophia’s Party. More noodle bar! More of me and failuriffic chopstickness! Also went to go see Three and Out  which, although i didn’t like at the beginning, got so so good! We slept over-playing twister and watching Doctor Who and Meet the Fockers. *does another slightly less energetic dance because…*

I totally ache from canoeing. Yes! CANOEING! Me and Imogen rock at it! Obviously, Imogen more than i do because she like does stuff on the river all the time but still! *hypothetical paddle five!*. This is because we get the PE option of going to kayaking (randomly, just in year 10) but today the river was flowing too fast. It was a beautiful day! Unlike last week when we couldn’t go out on the river for ages because of the lightening.

Lessons are a tad topsy-turvy. We’re studying Keat’s odes in English which can be depressing yet sometimes inspiring…slightly hypnotic. Osmosis in Biology which is fun, if only because our biology teacher is jumping around going “isn’t this FANTASTIC! It’s like a magic trick!”. More osmosis tomorrow. I could in fact get go down to my kitchen and do my own little experiment of osmosis involving potatoes and water and some kind of sugary water…but i think i may just get tea instead (whilst listening to Fleetwood Mac. Oh yeah).

Last Day of Freedom

Today has been spent writing and rewriting bits of my Romeo and Juliet essay, going over my endless mistakes and my english teacher father lamenting the fact that schoolchildren nowadays have no idea what the hell grammar is. Anyway- the other part of half term was spent reading books, going to Hannah’s house, rambling about town and wrapped up in my duvet daydreaming…

 But fuck that, what I really want to talk to you about is ♥David Tennant♥

 (who yes, I was daydreaming about) 

Basically, Friday (the Delicious Tennant’s birthday in fact) I went round to Jess’ house. We watched all of Doctor Who season 2. By the time we finished, I could see the Doctor behind my eyes and couldn’t get the theme tune out of my head(that theme tune goes surprisingly well with Avril Lavigne). After watching Doomsday I kinda lost the ability to speak (if you’ve seen it you’ll know) and was going “blehk! Vroob! But…but! *sob* Glakkk!”. Then on Saturday me and Imogen spent several hours with a little Doctor Who action figure and remote controlled K-9. It is so cute! It even says “affirmative master”! We were bouncing up and down! We must have looked pretty weird as we were carrying a screwdriver around with us but oh well. It was totally worth it, the Doctor’s coat billows! Billows! Plus, you can jump it up and down going “That’s rubbish! Absolute garbage!” and pretend its my biology teacher.

To sum up: David Tennant rocks my fucking socks. And in case you were wondering: yes, the episode set in Pompeii made me jump up and down in excitement. He fights aliens with water pistols! He saves Caecilius!!! The Doctor is obviously the true founder of the Cambridge Latin Course. So basically the Doctor is…just too amazing. Affirmative mistress!

Gérard Depardieu Week

All this week I have watched something with Gérard Depardieu in it every night. Not that I mind, a young Depardieu is quite dashing. Hell, the man even makes a sexy, harmonica playing hunchback (Jean de Florette, go check it out). But he’s so crazily big and his nose is so…out there. Watching french films also makes me begin to try and think in french, so my thoughts become some kind of soothing french accented babbling. Not useful when you need to write an essay on Romeo and Juliet.

Anyway, its been a good half term so far. On Tuesday I went to the Royal Academy to see the From Russia exhibition. This is awesome because a) I got to take a train. I. Love. Trains. So. So. Much. b) There was lots of paintings by famous artists such as Picasso, Renoir and Cézanne(see how casually I list those names?) c) We got to go out for lunch. C is possibly the most awesome of these things because we went to a restaurant and they had miniature pots of jam. They are so damn cute. I know it seems odd to prefer a one ounce thing of jam to Matisse’s Dance II  but they are so fun to play with! Like Chinese worry balls, but…English worry jam jars. Yeah. Still working on a name for it.

Then on Wednesday, my friends Jess, Hannah and Zoë slept over. We tormented Zoë, who was trying in vain to lick her elbow, we watched Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo+Juliet, roasted marshmallows on candles, watched The Princess Bride (best film ever no matter how much Jess and Han laugh at it) and tried to cure Jess’ Doctor Who problem. Jess has been Doctor Who binging and now the only man for her is the Doctor. Unfortunately, she is mixing up the Doctor and our biology teacher in her head. See, as i have mentioned, my biology teacher is an angry Liverpudlian guy who delights in horrible diseases. Doctor Who is a lovable time lord who has a Tardis and adorably fluffy hair. But dammit, they kinda look the same. And even sometimes act the same. Speaking of Doctor Who: i want an adipose. Those were the most adorable blobs of fat this world has ever seen. I accidentally started waving to one of them when they said goodbye (i actually wave to inanimate objects a lot. a whole lot). Plus Peter Capaldi is being Caecilius. Like oh my god, do you have any idea how exciting that is!? Having a crush on Peter Capaldi+ Having a crush on David Tennant+ being a latinstudent= the next episode of Doctor Who will be basically fulfilling some bizarre sexual fantasy. I’m not actually sure what fantasy this is but I’m sure i can think of one.

Speaking of sexual fantasies, Caecilius and David Tennant, fellow latin student Hannah has just informed me her mother has confiscated her copy of Casanova’s autobiography because she read a page about planning a threesome with some 17 year old girls. Hannah is also very excited about Doctor Who and also Casanova’s latin teacher being in the next episode of Skins. We get exciting about the weirdest things. Like…invading Canada and forcing them to change their rubbish mottoes. Hello! Fortis et liber AND Gloriosos et Liber. Be afraid Canada…or at least hide the maple syrup. I so want some maple syrup.

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