It has numbers! It must make sense!

Gosh (i’m pretty sure i never say gosh in the real world…) I am sorry for not updating. I will do things with numbers so I feel more organised.

  1. I have now been back at school for over a week and it is all a bit crazy and ridiculous and we can wear our own clothes (this makes Suga even more adorable *hug*) and drink tea (much thanks to Imogen for being the provider of the milk) and hang out in the 6th form centre. We also had some injections (you know, just randomly). Yaaaay.
  2. I take History: the side effects of this include making rhymes about Richard III being a mound of cheese (because he was the Duke of Gloucester) (…I quite like Richard III which makes me feel guilty) and frantically writing things like “Edward III had four sons! Hive five!” or “they believed in Jewspiracies!” (a fun word which saves time when note writing about nationalists) (ooh plus when you spell check it it asks if you meant “Jew Piracies” which is a fun idea!) and illustrating everything with stick figures (really fun when they have crazy 19th century facial hair) which is why i should never be allowed to make my own notes. Actually I should not be allowed to do most things. Last friday we had history in an IT room so me and Emily (a new girl to the school in all my lessons: we have been bonding) spent most of history on wikipedia playing a game where if you got a person when you clicked for a random article they became your spouse (I got a Duke and a God of Thunder! She got several women and sports teams).
  3. I take English: currently studying “A Streetcar Named Desire” (my notes on this include “Marlon Brando-FIT”) and “The Reader”. Not entirely enjoying my english lessons as I don’t feel entirely in tune with my teachers (one is new, the other is so lovely as a person but i cannot stand her teaching) so this is bad 😦
  4. I have Classical Civilization as comic relief though! This is good! (what isn’t good? sitting near the one person who doesn’t get any of the sexual innuendo) (this reminds me: must read the Satyricon)
  5. Probably my favourite lesson: Philosophy. Adorable teacher and a wonderful class. However I am currently writing this to avoid doing my homework for it due in tomorrow. I am screwed.
  6. Zoe’s birthday was on Monday! She is 17! This is insane!
  7. Also on Monday: went to the Globe to see As You Like It which I thought was really good (also it had Jamie Parker in it, who plays Scripps in the history boys) and i managed to get reasonably close to the stage (forgot my glasses like an idiot).
  8. Also on Monday (according to wikipedia anyways): Patrick Swayze died! This means at some point we are going to have to have a Dirty Dancing evening! Like we needed an excuse. (i don’t care if it is ridiculous. It is great. Plus it reminds me of how last year on the school italy trip a bunch of us would crowd into a small hotel room to watch it on someones portable dvd player. Ridiculously girly yet fun times)
  9. I have banana read and bits of a cookie! Yay! (okay i know i had more things to write about…)
  10. Tookey! That’s it. On saturday I went back to Tookey’s house (but not before buying some bitchin’ Wonderwomen underwear) and went out to a great Nepalese place  to celebrate her birthday with her family (and her sister’s boyfriend. He makes good paper planes and swishes his wine around before he drinks it like a proper person). We watched most of 30 Rock season 2 on her projector screen in the attic (!!! Everything is so much better on a projector. It even makes Alec Baldwin seem sexy)

10? Ten is a good number for now.

I also come in list form!

This is a quick list of things I have become since my last update:

  • Excellent: According to my work experience supervisor I was most excellent. At everything. I rock at being the awkward museum assistant.
  • A party animal: It was Hannah’s birthday party last friday which was fun (even though lots of people couldn’t make it 😦 ) and we ate pizza whilst sitting on the kitchen floor (FLOOR LOVE!), ate this amazing cake Hannah made which was chocolate and honey and had freakin’ marzipan bees on top. With wings made of almonds. We played “most likely to…” which is a game where someone asks who is most likely to do something and we all point at that person. It was especially amusing this time because Scarlet was meeting some of the people for the first time and so we got to find out her first impressions of everyone. I like Hannah’s house. It is all hectic and crazy, even more so then because they were leaving for Dorset the next morning. So yes: an excellent time was had by all.
  • The Nerdiest Nerd of all Nerdtania! (which is a kingdom of nerds separate from Nerdfighteria because it is unrelated to Nerdfighters, but still just as awesome). Which is something I said after I persuaded my mother to pre-order a personalised copy of the latest Doctor McNinja book….so this will be like the first official actual comic book I own. And it is like a collection of my favourite story lines. I mean, how could something called “Operation Dracula! From Outer Space!” be bad? Featuring zombies, ghosts, vampires, robots and robot bears! But yes: I am a ridiculously nerdy fangirl. I would be feeling awkward, but fortunately John Green posted that video about how great it is how nerds can be all enthusiastic in a non-ironic way! So yays! I cannot wait to get my hands on my book and read the never before seen comic giving us some Beeman back story! (even if it might not top Gordito’s back story. Nothing can top having your sharpshooting-trapeze artist father being mauled to death by wild animals during one of his stunts and then growing a huge moustache afterwards by sheer willpower)  
  • (oh one second Chris Hastings: I have a bone to pick with you! Your comic made me answer a trivial pursuit question incorrectly because I could remember Dan saying “oh yeah- storing up the poison in my eyes. TO shoot out like a toad” then forgot the alt. text saying “yeah I know those toads store blood not poison…”) (okay i guess that is my fault for not remembering stuff. But I hope this bracket makes people wonder who Dan is- and why the fuck he is storing poison in his eyes)
  • A movie-goer: Today I saw Harry Potter 6 at the cinema with Tookey and Jess (we had popcorn and everything) which was simply hilarious. All the accidental innuendos! The “sexual tension” between Ginny and Harry! The whole Ron&Lavender thing! Snape being all swishy! (seriously: I’m not sure i noticed how swishy his was before. Man, I could watch him swish around being all dark and moody all day…)
  • A friend of Trudy on myspace: this unfortunately means I now have 70 friends, instead of 69 (which yes,did amuse me every time i logged in). They only have one track up now but hopefully they should have more soon! So yes click on me!
  • A fan of “The Prisoner of Zenda” which I finished reading yesterday which was good, swashbuckling adventure fun (now i need to read the sequel). I don’t read adventure novels very often, they are quite relaxing in some way. I now really want to read The Three Musketeers. Which i have listened to a zillion times on audiotape when I was younger (also: love love the 1973 film. Also: seen it on stage. Which also rocked), but never actually read. (should probably also read the Count of Monte Cristo. just because).
  • An even bigger fan of my DFTBA cd: I just realised I met Tom Milsom at the Nerdfighter gathering. He offered me a caramel waffle, which i refused because i had also been given a bag of waffles. Tom: i wish i had taken a waffle. a) because later in the day i became really hungry and b) because you rock. And it would make a good story if i could say i have eaten a waffle offered to me by someone who rocks. (you may have noticed that most of my stories are quite boring)
  • Someone who really loves the song “Super Stupid” by Funkadelic (off the album “Maggot Brain”. The names only get weirder the more i dig through their back catalogues). Which is more crazy rockin’ out music than funk music. Or maybe just crazy music. Either way I like it (oh: the people in my head also like it. Um, the people have been at a bit of a loose end recently so all this randomness is happening. Like now for some reason Donald Sutherland lives in our building and raises pigeons on the roof. Only it is like a gay Donal Sutherland from Georgia named Jeffery. Because I find Sutherland and Georgia really comforting. So they needed to be in my head). (and on a separate storyline in my head there is lots of knitting).
  • A matchmaker of radios: As you may know, I love Ringo- my radio. Ringo lives on my bed. Ringo has never left my room after i first took him in here. Ringo would probably know me better than anyone…if he wasn’t you know…a radio. Unfortunately, my old friend is not working as well as he used to but i can’t get a new radio in case he gets all jealous. Jess (who has recovered from swine flu people! yays!) had the totally amazing idea of buying the new radio as Ringo’s girlfriend. Who we have decided to name Dolly, after Dolly Parton. So, as Jess said, she needs to have a large pair of speakers.


(completely unrelated to anything and if we are friends on facebook you would already know that, according to his facebook, The Princess Bride is one of Bill Clinton’s favourite films. I hope he isn’t lying, because that just made me so ridiculously happy)

Happy Tesla Day!

I’m sure if you have been on google today (and who hasn’t?) you will have noticed that today is the anniversary of Nikola Tesla’s birth. Now I hate physics. But i think Tesla himself was rather adorable (actually i think i have already mentioned this. yeah, i definitely remember posting something about wanting to be his personal moustache groomer). This is possibly because he was kinda insane and became obsessed with one of his pigeons(so maybe today everyone should be really nice to pigeons in his honour? i mean feel free to try and kill them every other day…)  and claimed to have invented some kind of death ray (he was also friends with Mark Twain which would be cool. I really want to read this graphic novel where they team up to defeat Thomas Edison) (oh see now Twain and Tesla are having some kind of free-style rap contest with Edison in my head. Not entirely sure why. But see Tesla once said whilst demonstrating something “see my motor here; watch me reverse it” which sounds like he is actually doing some crazy hip-hop thing. Dammit maybe even a hip hop thang). (Plus Bowie once played Tesla in a film. surely that makes him cool?) (….GAH Twain, Tesla and Bowie singing in my head. Edison looking on all moodily)

I don't even know if that is Tesla, but it is awesome

I don't even know if that is Tesla, but it is awesome

Anyway not much is happening for me tonight. Err tonight is actually  Prom night so most people are constantly facebooking about trying to get ready for that, but I’m not going (which only makes me feel nerdier because i watched the episode Spock’s Brain yesterday and now find that even typing the word brain makes me laugh. “Take…take him where?” “In search of his brain, doctor”. Probably the most hilariously awful thing i have ever seen). Though tomorrow I’m having some rather late birthday celebrations (nothing is actually planned, I’m just throwing together some friends, food and films and seeing what happens) which should hopefully be fun.

I am going to attempt some music news:

  • Funk: i am not sure why my brother, who reads Pitchfork and loves Animal Collective, has downloaded a lot of funk but he has. Maybe he has some kind of crush on George Clinton because all he  just downloaded Parliament, Funkadelic and yes, Parliament-Funkadelic along with Clinton’s solo work (it would be funny if he we both had creepy crushes on Clintons). Groovy bass lines and lyrics ranging from generic (don’t worry about being right just be for real!) to weird ad libs (…yeah just the whole of Atomic Dog. I don’t know what it means but it is indeed funky) makes it fun to listen to
  • Transmittens: the most ridiculously cute sounding pop music, i downloaded some of their free tracks off and do enjoy it when they pop up on shuffle but not what i usually like
  • Music from my childhood: well I’ll be damned. Fred, friend of aforementioned indie-fucktard brother, has already beaten me to blogging about this. He even included Aqua dammit! Though the similarity ends there (well apart from with Afroman. But who doesn’t love Afroman?) because when i was younger i didn’t have my trusty radio or the internet or friends with even a little bit of taste. So actually the music i loved was from musicals or stuff played at the school disco. But there was one totally amazing song (which i have had stuck in my head recently) which Fred missed. One song which just made everything that much more awesome. One totally ridiculous song with an appalling, yet presumably intentional, spelling mistake in the title. Hot in Herre.

Gosh. What an embarrassing list.

Right.Fia wants me to write a list of my top 10 guys (…err okay reading this over there are 11. nevermind). Because she thinks it’s funny. I do realise the list looks a bit ridiculous. in fact only 7 guys come to mind after a lot of thought. And i believe they are all over 40 which makes me a bit worried. I must think of some younger people and then add them in (hey, that joe jonas! he’s hot piece of virgin ass amirite?) (no that is just wrong).

10. Ah hah! Dave Eggers is 39! Now, it’s not like i have a major crush on Dave Eggers, it is more a literary crush. If you have ever read A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius you would fall in love with the clever, funny, amazing guy too. Plus he is just seriously awesome: he set up McSweeneys! (which hopefully i am going to finally get a subscription for). Dave Eggers you are quite cute and your writing has made me cry. (see, Jonathan Safran Foer is also a genius, and probably cuter than Eggers, but his writing is more just generally awesome than “oh my god i love you, i care about you, i have to let you know this”)

9. Err okay. I have a crush on Jeremy Irons. I know. He is 60. However, if just close your eyes and imagine that voice. The oh-so-comforting british accent. The less comforting, but still amazing, german accent in Die Hard 3. I actually think this started years ago when i first watched The Man with the Iron Mask. Is it so wrong to fall for Aramis instead of stupid Leonardo diCaprio playing King Louis? No! (i also hated Titanic. Just so you know). Plus the dude owns a castle. A castle. Admittedly one he has painted pink, but still.

8. Okay we are going to go for someone else who is old! The oldest person on this list, number 8 and turning 80 next year is Clint Eastwood (he’s going to be 79 in ten days. *slaps forehead*). I know this is incredibly weird. (oh Jess- he co-wrote a song with Linda Thomspon. How weird! not one of hers though, something for Diana Krall). Err…how to explain this….i don’t know…he’s Clint Eastwood? Clint Eastwood with his ponchos and fluffy hair and growly accent and Magnum .44 and ridiculous film roles? According to wiki he is “an enduring icon of masculinity”. I personally think he has quite a cute nose. Cute as a button, evil as…a safety pin?

7. Bowie. David Bowie is much hotter than Eastwood. There is probably a David Bowie look to suit everyone. You know what i am just going to say that everyone loves Bowie even if they don’t realise it.Deep down inside, we are all Bowiephiles. He is just that awesome. And yes, he was Jareth who is a goblin king how cool is that and i have a t-shirt with his face on (…i just found a picture of Bowie with Bill Clinton. But more about Bill later). And obviously, there’s the music.

6. i am going to say David Tennant to get it out of the way (plus- he’s only 38! yays!). The man has very lovely hands, a wonderful arse and is the Doctor. How could you not love the Doctor? He has a time machine! He drinks tea! He…he really does have a great arse. Especially in pyjamas. Plus excellent in Casanova- who does not want “french lessons” with Tennant? Or…actually no. The whole singy-sex from Blackpool was disturbing. But the full-on scottish accent was lovely. All hail tennant. (see, i know it might be wrong to have him so low on the list- but its because he hasn’t you know…been at the forefront of my mind in a while. it was because i prepared myself for lack of tennant during the last doctor who episode and so seeing tennant is weird. its like watching a ghost)

5. JoCo! I had Jonathan Coulton lyrics stuck in my head during biology today. (i shouldn’t be talking about “sexy” men. I should be revising. But i don’t have an exam for ages). Now JoCo comes above Tennant because he is kinda cute and is an actual person. By that i mean he has a personality. Tennant is perfectly lovely, but his favourite book is Catcher in the fucking Rye! His favourite band are the Kaiser Chiefs! What are you tennant- 13? (plus he got his last name from Neil Tennant of the Petshop Boys who i dislike). Whereas JoCo is actually funny and awesome and totally nerdcore. He writes the kind of songs which make me feel like “yay! this is so totally weird! I’m not alone with my freakish ideas!”.

4. David Berman- another singer. Again, cute. Beardy. Indie. Older. (gah). I love the accent (weird mix of accents. I think the British ones are sexier, but american accents are weirdly comforting). And while we’re on it- Cassie Berman is also rather adorable as well. They are such a cute couple! But i like his poems. Not all of them, some of them aren’t so good, but just these phrases and ideas which stick in my mind. If i read them it causes my head to go all weird for a while and think in a different way. Thank you for that Berman!

3. Gruff Rhys. Now Gruff is just adorable. With that fluffy hair and welsh accent! He’s just too adorable. Plus his music is just so happy and…free? I just like how SFA kinda bob along being kinda successful and still just happy welsh rockers. Also Gruff and SFA were like my first real musical thingy…like my first real, fan girl thing. (oh there have been so many since). I just love the welsh-fro. Gosh that welsh-fro…

2. Okay i haven’t thought about this person in a while but i know my love for you will never die Alan! Indeed, someone else from Die Hard (i know most of his lines in that film off my heart from sneaking down to watch it. And sometimes watching it in slomo just for fun) (oh, in case you were wondering, Bruce Willis isn’t on the list. I love you Bruce, just not like that). Mainly Alan Rickman love is due to Sense and Sensibility- a film i love to pieces (also the book! which i have read and also love. Though of course i can’t believe he would like Kate Winslet. “There is some blue sky! let us chase it!” honestly). And come on, who doesn’t like some Snape? But yes, mainly Brandon, striding around in those riding boots looking all adorably soul-crushed because some stupid bitch  doesn’t realise that Willoughby is a fucktard.

1. Bill Clinton. Now this is the one i get yelled at a lot about. “Bill Clinton!?!?! Seriously!? That’s just weird”. Yes, yes it is. He is just so ridiculously charming. It’s crazy, how i can just automatically forgive Bill anything. (seriously though- Lewinsky? I’m hotter than Lewinsky. I should be having affairs with Presidents. You know what i am hotter than a lot of first ladies! Michelle and Jackie excluded of course. But never mind). It is less a physical thing (though…i do find a younger Bill hot) more of whole…he’s from Arkansas. He is a total Baptist redneck who loves redmeat and late night poker. And he became President. He has done all these amazing things (i get updates from the William Clinton Foundation on facebook, which is weird. Plus, he gets t-shirts from Nelson Mandela. That’s good right?) and he’s got that lovely voice and those simply amazing hands (Hillary likes his hands. But she can go crawl away and die) and actually also has lovely wrists…i guess i just love the idea of Bill Clinton. Most people did at some point! I still believe in you Bill!

0. (i know…he’s not my number one guy. He’s my…zero guy!)…Okay i guess the way this worked out means i have to put Alice Cooper top of my list. See, this is just currently. I think you have noticed how Alice has completely taken over my brain. (I’m like the narrator of that They Might be Giants song “Why must I be Sad?”). I’m sure you don’t need another rant about how funny his radio show is, our me drooling over how he looks in leather. Alice: i may be a pathetic, nerdy, middle-class, white stereotype who goes to an all-girls grammar school and really likes Abba but i also like you and your top hats too. A lot. Particularly when you have a sword in your mouth.

What can I say- I love swords

What can I say- I love swords

It’s a list of niceness!

Today is Cinco de Mayo! Isn’t that nice? Don’t we all want to be in Mexico to join in with their celebrations? (well. i guess that depends how worried you are about swine flu but personally i am up for running away to Mexico at any time). There is actually nothing to celebrate over here. My last official week at school….last chemistry lessons ever (we got haribo!)…last french lesson spent playing french scrabble…only makes me go into a “aaarh everything is changing and time is going too fast and we are all going to die” mood if i do not concentrate. Which sucks because everything is actually quite nice now.

Things which have been nice:

  • I managed to listen to Nights with Alice Cooper all the way through for once! (summary: two innuendos and he put on a horrific posh english accent to read out a letter…by someone from Manchester) (…also i went onto the website and there’s a little video voiced by Alice and now every time i say please i can hear him saying “pretty please with sugar and spiders and snakes on top!)
  • My dad just handed my a cup of tea! My favourite drink ever
  • Anna sent me some Emilie Autumn youtube links to introduce me to her music and they rocked (have been repeatedly listening to ‘Misery Loves Company’ and ‘Opheliac’) so apparently i am a…muffin. Which is good because it means that next time i am eating a muffin i can give Anna a muffin-five! (…like a high five using muffins instead of hands)
  • Speaking of food- Suzy makes excellent rocky road which was an awesome marshmallow end of the day treat
  • Fia drew me a picture of Bret Michaels (diabetic lead singer of Poison) as a pirate holding a pistol with a snake wrapped around it. The snake can shoot lasers out of its eyes. The pistol shoots lasers as well. He is also holding a sword. Which…also shoots lasers. (…I really love lasers)
  • Last friday me and Hannah hung out at Jess’ place and ate awesome biscuits which was so nice because we have not been able to do that in an absolute age
  • Last friday was the first of may which means i could go around with JoCo stuck in my head! (that song is actually free to download off his site legally. I love free JoCo music! and songs about fucking outside!)
  • Jess lent me American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis which was amazing and kinda fucked up my thoughts patterns (generally when i finish reading a book I’m still stuck in like…the thought mode of the people in it…not good when its narrated by a psycho obviously). It’s all creepy and graphic but still awesomely readable. Will watch the film at some point!
  • Aaarh actually speaking of films, i watched “Bright Young Things” which is a film adaption of Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh (the screenplay was by Stephen Fry!). The main dude was played by Stephen Campbell Moor…a.k.a Irwin from The History Boys (which was weird. especially when he tried to some kind of…dance thing). But that does not compare to David Tennant sporting a bloody moustache! It twitched! *PURGE* i am right? just look at him! Look!
This is scary.

This is scary.

  •  Anyway on another note as i am a nerd and trawl the internet looking for webcomics (seriously i am the only person i know who does this which worries me slightly) i came across Wigu (which i knew about but never actually read) and am now completely absorbed with the stories of the dysfunctional Tinkle Family and the beings from Butter Dimension Quad (mainly Topato: a bloodthirsty topato whose body is made of poison and Sheriff Pony who is a blue, law-abiding pony who shits vanilla ice cream). (i know this sounds weird. Especially the stories which involve…its hard to describe. Lets just say it involves dinosaur fights, bigfoot making pizza from puppies, cheerleader tryouts on magic mushrooms and so on)


You know what else is just awesomely nice!?


Happy Birthday Hank! What i do without your videos and funny songs and ecogeek suggestions? 🙂

Late Night Wishlist

Things i wish for:

  • For white hair powder to be made more readily available. Have noted of late that teenage guys having to use powder to make their hair grey look good (for plays…not just randomly). I personally think it would make for an excellent, “taking retro to its logical conclusion” trend. I also have longed for more people to wear capes and top hats (i see this guy in the cinema sometimes dressed like this- he has stolen my heart)
  • A picnic. I just can’t remember the last time i had a picnic D: how dreadful
  • For less work. Or…maybe the gift of understanding stats coursework. I can just about get titration equations now- thanks to Hannah, who our chemistry teacher looks to for confirmation that what he has said is correct. Oh, what i would want Count Rugen to do to that man! (that sounds…vaguely sexual. it isn’t. Its just a Princess Bride reference…meaning i want an evil six fingered count to suck the life force out of him…)
  • I really miss The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. *hugs to all the cast* and wish to be suddenly transported to a universe where the show is real…and i am Will Smith. Or maybe just a boxset or something…i mean, that would be good too
  • That wikipedia was more helpful when it comes to information about pancreas transplanting. I know, wiki is the source of all info, but i still am not sure where they put the new pancreas! Because they can’t remove the old one! From what i can piece together, the new one uses the blood supply going to the legs…or…not. damn internet!Honestly. I asked my biology teacher and he didn’t know- i did however get an analogy about the pancreas transplants and kitchen sinks. Awesome. oh, but he did say that with thyroid transplants they do something crazy like (emphasise on like. i was finding it hard to concentrate because i was worried i would end up following my biology teacher all the way around the school when trying to get the answer) mash it up and stick it in your arm muscles. Which is pretty inspired.
  • I wish i could write in crazy cool slant rhyme like Wilfred Owen. Today we were studying “Exposure” which, apart from maybe the penultimate verse, made me really depressed. But in like…a good way because it means the poem is just that effective. Also, my english teacher is really good at teaching war poetry and getting us caught up in the mood.
  • Wishes people would stop being mean to picket fences! Just listening to “Gives you Hell” by AAR and it always bugs me when he says “where’s your picket fence love?”. My grandma also hates picket fences. We allllll make fun of picket fences. I mean yeah, classic image of suburban nuclear southern family etc…but i think i mean they aren’t that bad. You know who likes picket fences? Benjamin Franklin. (well, not really. i just wanted to mention him in this blog. who knows- he could be a hater)

Its Procrastination time!

Things I have done this week which have tragically prevented me from working:

  • Blackpool: Oh come on. It has David Tennant in- how could i resist? Its pretty amazing and wonderfully original- its basically a murder mystery musical set in Blackpool 😀 which surprised me because when jess said “there are musical numbers during sex” i thought she just meant weird background music…i didn’t envisage David Tennant getting his freak on whilst singing “Sqweeze me Pleeze Me”. Have not been able to stop listening to the Soundtrack. The follow up, Viva Blackpool, is not quite as entertaining (by which i mean no David Tennant) but Morrissey is simply amazing as Ripley Holden.
  • Slowly but surely getting through more Clint Eastwood filmography: I finished getting through the Dirty Harry series y watching The Dead Pool. Oh. my. God. Seeing as i don’t think anyone is really going to watch it, i might as well tell you the amazing finish: Clint Eastwood shooting the serial killer into the wall with a harpoon, which earlier we saw Slash (yes, that Slash) messing around with (all of Guns n Roses have a cameo actually). I was praying that would happen and they did not disappoint. I swear Eastwood has just made a career out of stepping of mist looking menacing. Which he achieves with great effect in Fistful of Dollars- only that is actually amazing considering he is wearing a poncho. I mean, that has to be like the ultimate manhood test: can you look scary whilst wearing a poncho? I know i can’t.
  • Finishing The Audacity of Hope: yes- i know its  hard to believe after those first two bullet points, but i do read! And I’m on the last chapter and am all “oh my god Michelle and Barack are so sweet!”. And their first kiss tasted of chocolate (they were eating ice cream). They have to be the most adorable couple ever. Cuteness aside, the book is awesome and makes me very hopeful. Obama outlines in the book what he thinks the government should do for America and they sound like excellent plans. The only fault i have with the book is that if i wasn’t american i might find it pretty hard to read just because its so focused on the USA and just written in this incredibly  way which could get annoying after a while if it wasn’t such good writing (and if the writer wasn’t Barack. *does happy dance because it always cheers me up to remember he is President*)
  • Dissection Club: yes, i gave up my lunchtimes to dissect a rat. We called our rat Seamus (by “we” i mean me, Suga and Luxmmi). It was kinda fun in a weird way. Um…i know how weird that sounds because you know…i feel like i shouldn’t find cutting open a rat and removing all its organs fun…i should find it kinda gross. And yeah, i did grimace and freak a little when i had to break its arm to pin it down (that was creepy the first time because its hands/paws look really human) and because it smelt awful and because its slightly sickening to cut open somethings throat…but overall its was just interesting. I mean, me and Luxmmi (Suga didn’t attend the last session *hug*) found it amazingly cool how the renal vein looks exactly like our diagrams of it and  how everything fits together, how the pancreas is way thinner than we thought and actually does look like a leaf and also we got to see little rat embryos because some people had a pregnant rat. We got a little hack crazy at the end. “Hmm…what haven’t we cut open yet…how about the kidneys?”. Yeah, we totally butchered that kidney. Fortunately, our biology teacher got to the other one before us and cut it open beautifully (it did look pretty in some way…also i would just like to add my biology teacher treats insides like noodles. Its just the way he handles the forceps reminds me of people using chopsticks and it weirded me out).

Anyway. I apologise if that was creepy and disturbing and you lost faith in my movie taste. But that is way better that doing statistics coursework/annotating media texts/iMedia etc.

Dirty Half Term.

It has been a pretty mixed half term. Which involved watching 4 of the Dirty Harry films and a short film about Vampire Lincoln, going to the Byzantium Exhibition at the Royal Academy, The Darwin Exhibit at The Natural History Museum, attending a concert conducting by Vladimir Jurowski and, most importantly, avoiding any work. Apart from my parents forcing me to study titrations, which has ended up badly because now i just have Clint Eastwood yelling a variation of the “Do you feel lucky?” thing at my chemistry teacher. Seriously, Dirty Harry will blow you head clean off if you ruin any more experiments (our chem.teacher’s experiments are such epic fails, they are almost win. unfortunately, he refuses to do anything potentially dangerous like putting a huge lump of potassium in water or eating lead 😦 ).

Anyway. Byzantium kinda sucked. I am not a huge fan of religious art and there was only one really cool thing there: a big box with a picture of Christ as the Man of Sorrows and a bunch of (probably fake) bits of saints wrapped up and labelled (i tried to guess what bits by size. quite a few fingers, lots more thumbs, toes and probably foreskin). They also had some very bling medallions. *shudders*. However i soon got over it after a nice lunch and getting all teary eyed over Rachmaninoff’s Isle of the Dead , it was a pretty awesome concert all round. Plus Leon Fleischer played Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 23! Leon was like this crazy-awesome piano player when he was younger, yet unfortunately lost the use of two fingers on his right hand due to some muscle disease. He spent 35 years conducting, teaching and specialising in left handed music before regaining use of his right hand and now can play again (he is now like 80)! He looks so happy and adorable and would mouth along “ba-da-da-da” etc. to what was playing). 🙂 And Jurowski was looking as awesome as ever obviously (okay. its his hands! just his whole arms! they are so graceful and amazing after i walked out i was just like “dammit arms! you should be ashamed!” because my arms and hands are sucktacular in comparison).

The Darwin Exhibit was way more cool (Hannah And Fia came as well because they are just that cool). There was a jar with a little dead octopus in. I rest my case. Well, not really. The cool thing was all his notebooks (including the one with the “tree of life” sketch thing) and his letters and Charlie, the green iguana. It was informative and some of the skeletons looked creepy (always a plus! though there was this one skeleton of a vampire bat which looked like a teensy little human, but instead of having arms having crazy long creepy fingers), yet it was pretty crowded despite being a school day (inset day for me!).

Okay, i bet you all want to know this short film about Vampire Lincoln. Its called The Transient and it about a Homeless Superhero trying to save 87 virgins (as in the famous first line of the Gettysburg Address “four-score and seven years ago…”) from Vampire Lincolns jaws! Its good and quite funny considering it must have had a crazy low budget etc. The special effects kinda remind me of Garth Marengi’s Darkplace (possibly because the punks are meant to be all 80s). You can watch it all free (and legally!) online at . My favourite line: (southern, redneck accent) You done ruined the gâteau au fromage!

Now. After reading that interview with Clint Eastwood in some paper last wekk, it was bugging me i have never seen one of his films. Like, ever (though i know the ending to Million Dollar Baby thanks to some people). And so i watched Dirty Harry, Magnum Force, The Enforcer and Sudden Impact to change this and feel able to quote Dirty Harry without feeling like a loser. Unfortunately, i know have a major crush on young Clint Eastwood and his hands. Actually, that isn’t even young Eastwood. He was 41 when Dirty Harry came out and 53 when Sudden Impact came out (you can so tell when you watch them close together because you go “woah! where did all the fluffy brown hair go?!”. its still there, but its greying, receding and yes, less fluffy. And yet he is still hot. This is something me and my mother disagree on, but she can’t stand or understand most action films). Now, film-wise: Dirty Harry and Sudden Impact are probably the best. They are all entertaining. In fact, i think i find Magnum Force and The Enforcer too entertaining and funny despite all the murder (i did actually laugh my way through both of them. except for the end of The Enforcer when i just felt incredibly painful. I understand why you did it screenwriters, but i don’t forgive you!). However, Dirty Harry And Sudden Impact are good because they are disturbing, its challenging. (okay, kinda *spoilers* people)I mean, when Scorpio hijacks that bus of school children and makes them sing Old MacDonald had a Farm- that’s creepy. When the children realise something is wrong ad Scorpio threatens to kill them if they don’t sing Row, Row, Row Your Boat….its even creepier. I found it extremely hard to watch some of Sudden Impact because  the flashbacks to the rape is just horrible. They are at a funfair thing so this creepy circus music is playing, the lighting makes it scary, the men are hideous and brutal and we get closeups of the struggling of the two girls and to make it worse the bitch lady who tricked them into coming is sitting there laughing. Also, when she goes around getting revenge (which isn’t really a spoiler. you know shes the murderer from the beginning) there’s that bit where one of the men tries to convince her not to by saying things like “it was a long time ago, i was young, i was drunk, it can’t have been that  bad…”. Also the chase scene on the carousel- damn those things are creepy enough. Even more so in the dark, with even more creepy music and when someone is trying to hide from 3 guys trying to rape her. Though i would like to add: falling off a roller-coaster track and getting impaled on the horn of a carousel unicorn? Best death scene ever.

It does feel like he kills more people than 43 (which is actually his bodycount of all 5 films) with that impressively large gun. Whilst wearing tweed. Okay not all the time, but i am loving the suits Harry.

Gnomes, Sean Penn and Eternal Sorrow.

I apologise to any maths people who read my last post. It was just a way of avoiding maths revision and to stop myself from drowning my sorrows in the painfully non-alcoholic Julmust whilst listening to “Surrender” and playing online tetris. Which is what i am currently doing. Not like i really have any sorrows which need drowning. Plus, in my mind sorrows are like crazy gnomes who look like you could catch them and drown them but somehow are really fast and manage to trip you up when you are trying to catch them and then laugh and point and get all their gnome friends to come round and laugh at you. And you are too busy getting mad to realise they tied up your shoes and so when you try to stand you fall over again and the gnomes decide it is party time and are breaking out the beers and passing round a joint and just laughing in a strung out way at your ineffectual struggles. Then you just kind of give up and they all start recounting your sorrows to you.

Sorrow/Gnome 1: Hey, like do you remember that time you spent New Years Eve alone?

Sorrow/Gnome 2: Like oh yeah! She was all “i’m so lonely and upset!”

(All sorrows/gnomes laugh, more bottles of beer are passed around)

Me: (in defensive tone) I was not all upset. I accepted the fact that i had nothing to do and just enjoyed relaxing and reading my book

Sorrow/Gnome 3: (ignoring her) I mean, you being a total loser-ino [okay- the gnomes are pretty far gone. they are lightweights okay?] would be okay if you actually got good grades or whatever

Sorrow/Gnome 2: Duude she can’t even revision for the freakin’ mocks

Sorrow/Gnome 3: woah…they aren’t even like real exams

Okay yeah basically what i am getting at is that i hate gnomes which are representative of sorrow. actually i just hate all gnomes. they creep me out i am being weirdly oblivious to my problems. That isn’t good. I really need to revise. My brother Nat actually gave me a little pep talk about how i would do great if i revised and you know…he doesn’t usually act all big-brothery. So that was nice. I still didn’t revise. My parents think i am revising really hard. I feel guilty because i have just been daydreaming or reading etc. Not even about anything good. Seriously- the people in my head are trying to write a musical based on the songs of Wham! (okay it is actually a pretty good musical. there are two different versions: one with a happy ending where the closing song is ‘Wake me up before you Go-Go’ and the sad version where the closing song is ‘Last Christmas’ before the main guy commits suicide or something).

Things are just going badly. I actually got tired of drinking tea today. That is kind of a big deal. My british ancestors are probably also ashamed of me. I mean, i do remember my father telling me some stories about the lengths my grandfather went to so that he could get tea when in Egypt during World War II. Seriously. My family are hardcore tea drinkers. Though this has mucked up my sleeping pattern. Went to sleep at 7am after watching The Dark Knight on this laptop (i was so excited when i saw Nat had bought the DVD. i might spend tonight watching the Bonus Features disk).

That was kind of weird because just before i began watching it, a friend alerted me to the fact our chemistry teacher (i know, i said he would never turn up in the blog again) had changed his facebook picture to one of him dressed up as the joker (he looks hilarious). I would like to point out that said friend, you can now see why she is anonymous, is not some crazy stalker. She was bored at 1:50am and when you are bored that is the kind of things people do. We then also he has made a group on facebook organising a trip to Las Vegas and other parts of the USA and we spent a couple of hours posting each other about why on earth would he want to go to Utah (to make out with hot mormon chicks and eat jell-o. Jell-o is the official snack of Utah and, according to wiki, mormons love it. I shit you not) and laughing about how he said he thought the Hooters hotel looked classy. (Sorry if you are reading this but come on. Hooters? Classy? I hope you were joking. But if you stumbled across this blog i presumed- like everyone else- you stopped reading when i started typing about gnomes so it is safe to admit that i haven’t done any chemistry revision. I do plan to. Just…i hate it so much. Sorry. The lessons are kind of fun when you are being evil and giving us quizzes but chemistry itself is also bad and evil and shall be outlawed by future dictator me. enjoy your trip sir.)

The other thing is…i can’t stop thinking about Sean Penn. It is seriously weird. I watched ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ the other day just because it gets referenced all the time and it is actually quite funny. But i just couldn’t get over the fact that Sean Penn, the Sean Penn, who i always just think of as being serious and…dark-haired plays Jeff Spicoli. Blonde stoner surfer and official party dude. I might be able to stop thinking about him and his odd nose if i didn’t keep on listening to “Somebody’s Baby” repeatedly which is played a lot during the film. Plus i keep seeing his face everywhere because of the whole ‘Milk’ thing. Plus…my mind keeps trying to connect things. Sean Penn directed Into the Wild- the book is mentioned in acknowledgments of Paper Towns- Paper Towns makes use of Walt Whitman’s poems- Walt Whitman was apparently the inspiration for the character of Dracula in Bram Stoker’s novel- i have blogged about Dracula. Or alternatively Sean Penn directed Into the Wild- the books is mentioned in acknowledgments of Paper Towns- Markus Zusak is also mentioned in the acknowledgments AND in John Green’s contribution to ‘Let it Snow’- i have one of Zusaks books on my shelf. So yeah. Me and Sean Penn connected by love books. Thank you John Green. Oh yeah also…in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Damone sings ‘Surrender’ to some girl to try and remind who Cheap Trick are so she buys gig tickets off him. So yeah. Sean Penn was in that movie. I am listening to that song. We are totally meant to be together.

I don’t actually want to be romantically involved with Sean Penn. I mean…he was married to Madonna. And is in fact married as i type. Oh…actually according to wikipedia they announced that they were going to divorce last year, but then they called off the divorce. Ouch. I am sorry Mr Penn if you like…googled your own name and reading this bought back some painful memories. I hope the marriage is okay now. I mean, unless you want to like romantically swoop into my life and take me dancing. I…can’t dance but in my mind neither can you. So we just have a big laugh and spend all night wondering around a park talking. So you know…maybe you would like to think about that. Mull things over. But remember that you are totally not allowed to google yourself if we start dating.

Starting 2009

Welcome to the Year of Natural Fibres.  Bring in the Year of Reconciliation. Welcome the Year of Astronomy. um…Moo with the Year of the Ox. It is 2009. Now, it is only a couple of hours in to this year but so far it is good. I finished Paper Towns which was simply amazing. (*Spoilers*). I liked how Q doesn’t end up with Margo- that felt right. How Q realises all these things about Margo, even when it turns out she didn’t mean him to, is amazing. I have just made a New Years resolution to read Leaves of Grass. It has good balance between the wacky road-trip side, the driving through the streets at night getting revenge side and the moments when Q can fully emphasise and finally know Margo. What he says at the end, about humans being vessels which get cracked and fall apart and it is then “we can see one another, because we see out of ourselves through the cracks and into others through theirs” (i am just summing up here, it is oviously a lot better in full and when you are totally involved in the characters), was just beautiful. I actually thought he might have been quoting someone because it just seemed like…well it seemed like something John Green would do and just because it is meant to be a timeless moment.

Time…wikipedia already has a plan of stuff which is schedueled to happen in 2009. Stuff already has happened. Congratulations to Norway- today same-sex marriages become legal! Hungary now recognises registered partnerships! And yeah, Slovakia now has the Euro for legal tender (i love typing legal tender. it makes me thing of steak. just some big, juicy steak….which i imagine being illegal. thats just the way it works. this steak is illegal. and so so good). As of yet: there are no deaths registered on wikipedia in 2009. Which is always nice. If i wasn’t in a good mood, i might find it depressing, to have this year schedueled. But i know that randomness is going to happen. Bad randomness and good randomness and randomness which won’t get on to wikipedia….i like the randomness. Randomly: we had indian takeout for new years dinner. I drank tea to celebrate the new year. Today i fell in love with Walt Whitman’s writing, New Years Eve i fell in love with the character Peter Carter (played by Dave Nivens) whilst watching A Matter of Life and Death. That was a good film. Plus it had Roger Livesey in who was awesome as Colonel Blimp in a film by the same producer people.

Huh…Vilnius (the capital of Lithuania) is taking over Liverpool as the European Capital of Culture. As is Linz in Austria…i had no idea there was more than one Capital of Culture last year. My sincerest apologies to Stavanger and Sandnes.

Have a great 2009. Enjoy your natural fibres.

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