Like Wow!

I actually managed to learn stuff today!

I memorised all of Boudicca’s Rebellion! And all (read: all but two paragraphs) or Caesar and the Druids!

…yeah i kinda didn’t get around to learning all my case studies for geography or the roman life. I hope the geography paper tomorrow looks like this: “Use the following pages to rant about the Solomon Islands. Be sure to discuss to what extent logging companies are greedy bitches” and i would be all “they are so amazingly greedy and bitchy that only 2% of the profit from logging goes back to the local people. The logging companies are totally breaking their contracts!”

(sorry i feel compelled to mention this blog is being done in darkness, my ears constantly alert to warn me if someone is bumbling my way, duvet ready to cover the laptop, Mission Impossible theme tune playing in my head…okay not that last one. But still. Blogging in the dark late at night definitely feels cooler than mid-afternoon blogging. If only i was blogging about something important! I mean, managing tourism and the environment is important, but i highly doubt  that Malaysian logging companies are going to send over some assassins to kick my ass. Clearly their assassins are busy trying to kill the leaders of the Isabella Project…

Now I’m just imagining what super powers “Ethically Sourced Wood Man!” would have if there was a superhero for that kind of thing…see the only thing i can think of is “he uses a chainsaw for discriminate logging, his powers of chainsaw-wielding are lessened when bulldozers are in the nearby vicinity”. However having crazy chainsaw skills doesn’t make you a superhero, it makes you a serial killer. Or like a lumberjack. Or a serial killer lumberjack. So err…maybe he has the power to make trees grow? Or put nutrients back in the soil? “GadzooksEthically Sourced Wood Man! The whole area has been bulldozed by those lousy brutes! This area will never recover!”, “Never fear my little sidekick- i will make this area green again!”. Now that is so totally a failed TV show in the making)

(i wonder if the sidekick has a name? This poor boy, cruelly orphaned when the logging company killed his parents for refusing to let them buy their land, having to fend for himself in the forest, learning to love the forest, becoming one with the forest…maybe Setiawan, an Indonesian boy’s name meaning “Faithful” (thank you internet) which is appropriate for a sidekick. (i had fun with name generators whilst finding that. Apparently if i was a sex machine i should call myself “Alicia Amante”, mormon “Alvira Arvalynne”, a poet “Penelope Albatross”, a vulcan “T’Sais”, a goth “Cryptic Slaughter” and finally as a zombie “Aaaeiaaagh “Bondage Ninja” Goooarargh!”. Far, far too much time on my hands).

*Please note* this is the part of the blog where the rap breaks down, it’s real intense, no one makes a sound i am going to ramble on about Star Trek. I’m telling you because it’s seriously boring, but if i don’t type it the you never know what might happen with the pent up nerdiness. I might do something awful like start writing yaoi fan fiction. Really poorly written fan fiction at that.

I am so awake. I was feeling so grumpy from having to actually work and commit things to memory i indulged in what is like the nerd equivalent of watching S&M porn: Patterns of Force, the episode of Star Trek where Kirk and Spock are shirtless and get whipped by Nazis . Ridiculous i know. And not nazis but aliens imitating the nazi regime because a historian decided that if a “benign” nazi regime was started the planet would benefit because the regime could pull them out of their economic slump and so on. This plan goes wrong obviously. But still an interesting idea. The writers of star trek want to “raise some issues” with their ideas like putting human brains into androids, how people need both the good and “evil” side of their personalities, severe consequences of culture clashes, the whole “Jack the Ripper is actually an alien entity who survives on fear” thing (…I’m joking: hopefully that isn’t a real theory. But still. that episode was hilarious), the episode “A Private Little War” was meant to be a commentary on Vietnam but it had to get toned down a little, man’s need for freedom (you can so tell it’s an american show)….however these kinda get overshadowed by things such as “huh…Spock is wandering around a nazi laboratory half-naked” or “…did Kirk really just ask “What’s your beef?” in a poor 1920’s gangster accent?”.  (now, does saying that make Kirk an innovator because Star Trek was made in the sixties, or does in make him old school because he’s in the future? I think he meant it to be old-school, but either way he ends up sounding like an absolute idiot)

Sorry: i am going to take a moment to hit my head repeatedly in the realisation that in my brain shirtless men take precedence over contemplation of serious issues. I can’t even pretend it’s history revision anymore.  Le sigh.

okay i totally just had an idea. Next time i talk about star trek i can warn you with this picture:

Spock pulls around the universe, from Omicron Ceti III to the Bay...

Spock pulls around the universe, from Omicron Ceti III to the Bay...


…I would be tempted to rewrite all the lyrics to U Can’t Touch This but who am I to mess with perfection?



  1. thisisnotjustablog said,

    June 9, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    For your information, Ethically Sourced Wood Man has the power to replant every tree he harvests on foot and also has the ability to give 50% of the value of every tree he harvests back to the locals. He also knows where to let the trees fall so they don’t fall on the special plant that “cures what you western people call cancer”.
    I love geography videos and I love the Solomon Islands, so glad they came up.

  2. Suga said,

    June 9, 2009 at 9:43 pm

    he can’t have a chainsaw, that’s too destructive, he can have a nice manual saw, chainsaws are for the Suzys of the world

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