Dirty Half Term.

It has been a pretty mixed half term. Which involved watching 4 of the Dirty Harry films and a short film about Vampire Lincoln, going to the Byzantium Exhibition at the Royal Academy, The Darwin Exhibit at The Natural History Museum, attending a concert conducting by Vladimir Jurowski and, most importantly, avoiding any work. Apart from my parents forcing me to study titrations, which has ended up badly because now i just have Clint Eastwood yelling a variation of the “Do you feel lucky?” thing at my chemistry teacher. Seriously, Dirty Harry will blow you head clean off if you ruin any more experiments (our chem.teacher’s experiments are such epic fails, they are almost win. unfortunately, he refuses to do anything potentially dangerous like putting a huge lump of potassium in water or eating lead¬†ūüė¶ ).

Anyway. Byzantium kinda sucked. I am not a huge fan of religious art and there was only one really cool thing there: a big box with a picture of Christ as the Man of Sorrows and a bunch of (probably fake) bits of saints wrapped up and labelled (i tried to guess what bits by size. quite a few fingers, lots more thumbs, toes and probably foreskin). They also had some very bling medallions. *shudders*. However i soon got over it after a nice lunch and getting all teary eyed over Rachmaninoff’s Isle of the Dead , it was a pretty awesome concert all round. Plus Leon Fleischer played Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 23! Leon was like this crazy-awesome piano player when he was younger, yet unfortunately lost the use of two fingers on his right hand due to some muscle disease. He spent 35 years conducting, teaching and specialising in left handed music before regaining use of his right hand and now can play again (he is now like 80)! He looks so happy and adorable and would mouth along “ba-da-da-da” etc. to what was playing). ūüôā And Jurowski was looking as awesome as ever obviously (okay. its his hands! just his whole arms! they are so graceful and amazing after i walked out i was just like “dammit arms! you should be ashamed!” because my arms and hands are sucktacular in comparison).

The Darwin Exhibit was way more cool (Hannah And Fia came as well because they are just that cool). There was a jar with a little dead octopus in. I rest my case. Well, not really. The cool thing was all his notebooks (including the one with the “tree of life” sketch thing) and his letters and Charlie, the green iguana. It was informative and some of the skeletons looked creepy (always a plus! though there was this one skeleton of a vampire bat which looked like a teensy little human, but instead of having arms¬†having crazy long creepy fingers), yet it was pretty crowded despite being a school day (inset day for me!).

Okay, i bet you all want to know this short film about Vampire Lincoln. Its called The Transient and it about a Homeless Superhero trying to save 87 virgins (as in¬†the famous first line of the Gettysburg Address “four-score and seven years ago…”)¬†from Vampire Lincolns jaws! Its good and quite funny considering it must have had a crazy low budget etc. The special effects kinda remind me of Garth Marengi’s Darkplace (possibly because the punks are meant to be all 80s). You can watch it all free (and legally!)¬†online at http://www.killvampirelincoln.com/watch.html¬†. My favourite line: (southern, redneck accent) You done ruined the g√Ęteau au fromage!

Now. After reading that interview with Clint Eastwood in some paper last wekk, it was bugging me i have never seen one of his films. Like, ever (though i know the ending to Million Dollar Baby thanks to some people). And so i watched Dirty Harry, Magnum Force, The Enforcer and Sudden Impact to change this and feel able to quote Dirty Harry without feeling like a loser. Unfortunately, i know have a major crush on young Clint Eastwood and his hands. Actually, that isn’t even young¬†Eastwood. He was¬†41 when Dirty Harry came out and 53 when Sudden Impact came out (you can so tell when you watch them close together¬†because¬†you go “woah! where did all the fluffy brown hair go?!”. its still there, but its greying, receding and yes, less fluffy. And yet he is still hot. This is something me and my mother disagree on, but she can’t stand or understand most action films). Now, film-wise: Dirty Harry and Sudden Impact are probably the best. They are all entertaining. In fact, i think i find Magnum Force and The Enforcer too entertaining and funny despite all the murder (i did actually laugh my way through both of them. except for the end of The Enforcer when i just felt incredibly painful. I understand why you did it screenwriters, but i don’t forgive you!). However, Dirty Harry And Sudden Impact are good because they are disturbing, its challenging.¬†(okay, kinda *spoilers* people)I¬†mean, when Scorpio¬†hijacks that bus of school¬†children and makes them sing Old MacDonald¬†had a Farm- that’s creepy.¬†When the children¬†realise something is wrong ad Scorpio threatens to kill them¬†if they don’t sing Row, Row, Row Your Boat….its even creepier.¬†I found it extremely hard to watch some of Sudden Impact because¬† the flashbacks to the rape is just horrible. They are at a funfair thing so this creepy circus music is playing, the lighting makes it scary, the men are hideous and brutal and we get closeups of the struggling of the two girls and to make it worse the bitch lady who tricked them into coming is sitting there laughing. Also, when she goes around getting revenge (which isn’t really a spoiler. you know shes the murderer from the beginning) there’s that bit where one of the men tries to convince her not to by saying things like “it was a long time ago, i was young, i was drunk, it can’t have been that ¬†bad…”. Also the chase scene on the carousel- damn those things are creepy enough. Even more so in the dark, with even more creepy music and when someone is trying to hide from 3 guys trying to rape her. Though i would like to add: falling off a roller-coaster track and getting impaled on the horn of a carousel unicorn? Best death scene ever.

It does feel like he kills more people than 43 (which is actually his bodycount of all 5 films) with that impressively large gun. Whilst wearing tweed. Okay not all the time, but i am loving the suits Harry.



This is just a quick note to say (note from me of the future reading this thing back…i didn’t realise this would mainly be about Presidents. oh well):

  • Happy Birthday Mr President! Well…Mr Dead…ex-president George Washington. Today is your birthday! And President’s Day and all that. I’m sorry Lincoln got more celebrated because its his 200th and this is your 277thwhich isn’t a nice round number or anything. It sucks even more because today isn’t actually your real birthday (i was shocked when i wikied that 2 seconds ago!). This may come as a surprise to you, but Washington’s birthday is actually February 22nd, we just celebrate it on the third Monday of February which sounds a bit stupid but i guess its so there is a 3 day weekend. Not like i can enjoy it (well…it is half term…and the 22nd is a sunday…). But Happy Birthday anyway- you may not be attractive, but your signature was pretty cool
  • I spent a great deal of last night finding pictures of the signatures on the Declaration of Independence. William Whipple- i want to marry you and become Mrs Olivia Whipple and go live in New Hampshire with you and Prince Whipple (who was a slave. shame on you).¬† But you know…if you want to be a freak and marry your first cousin….
  • Today i went to Hannah’s to watch Casanovayet again (with Tennant! yaaays!) which was fun. As it always is. Fun yet towards the end i get all depressed…yeah…i can link this bullet point to Presidents as well because i gave Hannah a little rant on Lincoln at the train station (i cannot stop thinking about him! him and his lopsided face are haunting me!)
  • Oh, plus on the train to Hannah’s place i was reading some of The Audacity of Hope. He just is the most adorable person ever (…Barackhas become my “He with a capital H”). The writing is excellent and he just seems so…down to earth and everything he says seems really right. Plus its kinda cute when hes writing about the White House because its like “aaaw, past-you didn’t know you were going to end up living there!”
  • I am also becoming more andmore in love with Jonathan Coulton (link to presidents: he has two songs listing them. i am trying to learn the lists. Its slow going so far). He is genius. Leonard Nimoy and Bigfoot having a fling? Giant squid unable to love because he crushes everything? Eating a steak-taste-better pill? Mr Fancy Pants? I love you and i wish we were married. Screw William Whipple! Your name shortens to JoCo which is even cooler! Okay- i don’t really want to marry JoCo, i just want him to play some shows in London (yes, i have used that “Demand Coulton to come to your city!” thing and you saidyou checked the numbers!) and i can go and be all starstruck and buy a t-shirt and stuff andyou seem like the kind of person who does after-showmingling. Please please find this blog somehow andread this far. Because i think your lyrics are amazing (not just the funny stuff, i mean “Drinking with You” and “Big Bar World One” are really sweet) and you look cuddly (i really want a hug now. i had a lot of group hugs earlier today. i miss them. i miss my Casanova people) and you are a nerd icon¬† who allows lots of free downloading¬† and¬†you also have a ginger beard. That is just a whole lot of awesome¬†ūüôā

Half Term is here!

It has been an eventful week. Which kinda sucks because whenever i write about actual events it comes out all dull and like i am writing my french oral answers (stuff like “i hate physics because it is rubbish because my teacher is boring”. which is true, but no interesting….maybe i just suck at writing things in french) or kind of like the extremely annoying narration of Vicky Christina Barcelona. What was Woody Allen thinking? The only good thing in that film was Penelope Cruz, the rest was all cliched (though i must admit i love the line “but…what was your language teacher doing with a gun?”) and the narration just made it worse (“and they listened to guitar music which never failed to move Vicky in some way…”. great. awesome). But what actually made it suck was the ending. Oh, that and the fact Javier Bardem does not look hot in this film. That could just be me…i think i preferred him in No Country for Old Men when he was a crazy hitman with a bad haircut. Anyway. I saw Vicky Christina Barcelona yesterday with Nicole and Ellen and now kinda want to go to Barcelona because you know…it did look amazing. (I also watched Annie Hall for the first time this week which was good but i did not want to have to think about Woody Allen having sex. He just looks so squirmy. Like a randy eel with giant glasses)

I also went to go see The Picture of Dorian Gray. Just like a simple school production but i was pretty good and the director (who was like in lower 6th) had adapted the book into a script by herself. Lord Henry is pretty cool. Plus the guy who played him put on an awesome limp. I will keep you updated if i see any more awesome limps over half term. Because yes, it is now half term!

But before half term could happen it was….School Birthday. My school is now 129 years old! Which is older than Piedmont, California (ha ha! this is not wikipedia knowledge! this is just…completely useless stuff i know. because i know Piedmont celebrated its 100th anniversary last time i went to California in 2007 and i find this hilarious because everything in the UK is so much older). And we celebrate by doing various challenges and getting points and the best teams from each house go through challenges in front of the whole school, two teams get dropped, then the final competition is always a dance off (this year to Just Dance by Lady GaGa). At least i now know i suck at Wii Tennis (i have never played on a Wii before….it kinda sucked). Ooh, we also had a formal assembly (it has to be formal because the Governers are there and we need to impress them) which was livened up by the science department (well, the biology people). Each year a different department does a section for the school assembly and this year it was biology because of Darwin’s 200th birthday.

OKay, let us take a little time out to do a happy birthday dance to Darwin AND Lincoln. Jeez biology department! You could have livened up some of it by talking of what kind of uber-dude would have been created if Darwin and Lincoln had hooked up and had kids. If that was you know…possible. Yeah, maybe if their children had hooked up and had kids…but they both had sickly kids (oh, well Robert Todd Lincoln survived to 82. but he was ugly so it doesn’t count as a spermtacular success). Honestly. Lincoln and Darwin and their faulty sperm. (well, in Darwin’s case more: you and your falling in love with your freakin’ cousin. I’m sure your sperm was awesome really)

Anyway….when i stop thinking about famous men and their sperm (ooh, did anyone see that interview with Clint Eastwood in the Guardian? he does have rather lovely green eyes. but anyway. sorry- i have been debating with myself about whether or not Clint is hot. because i think he is. then again he is 80. so no. no he isn’t….i just found¬†some pictures of him and Sean Penn at some award ceremony *bangs head against desk*. Anyway,¬†i will have to settle for young Clint Eastwood. but that means another thing on my “Things to do when Time Travel is possible” list which is getting very long. I think the list started in Year 8 DT lessons, when we agreed we should find a way to go back in time so we could see what a young Harrison Ford would look like in spandex).

But really back on subject- i will never forget¬†watching my biology teacher and chemistry teacher pretend to pick lice off each other (head lice and clothes lice if you want to know. they were talking about using lice to determine when man became civilised which we can somehow tell through the development of lice. which is weird but also kinda cool). I think half the school was probably thinking “wow, i wish i could pick lice off the shirt of that chemistry teacher” which is just…wrong. But did get me wondering if people have had that kind of thought before. Like ages ago. “Wow, he is just so lovely i wish i could pick off all his lice just to be near him”. It seems like the kind of weird thought a girl might have. Especially on days like today, Valentine’s day. When we are meant to think about the person we love and what to do things for them to make them happy. If i had lice, i would want to know someone loved me enough to pick off all my lice. I think i will put that on a valentines card- “Dearest, please say you will be mine and i will pick off all your lice. Love,¬†your secret admirer”. Happy Valentine’s Day. ‚ô•

My lover, Mr Peanut

Hey- guess which website mentioned the heavy snowfall? That’s right- Wikipedia! Like the one “recent news” article i have been able to relate to. I also noted that the Arizona Cardinals lost against the Pittsburgh Steelers- as predicted by John Green noted sports columnist¬† sock puppeteer¬† leader of the¬†movement to decrease world suck¬†author. Speaking of books- Divya read The Princess Bride! She said she liked it- I’m pretty sure she wasn’t lying! I have now given it to Nicole. The downside to this being that i can’t be mean to Nicole like i can to Divya because me and Nicole aren’t in that special place yet where we can just¬† insult each other without it being weird. Or maybe i just make friends with horrible people. And am a horrible person myself. As it is, i quiz Nicole on her opinion on hats and the Canadian Rockies. I’m sure they’re great, but seeing as they have not been featured on a Carmen Sandiego game…they suck in comparison to the American Rockies (yep. i have been to neither. but anything mapped out by a dude called Merriwether Lewis must be pretty cool right?…yeah and William Clark but that isn’t cool. So lets just say it was ol’ Merriwether and Sacagawea being all “ooh- maybe we should set up camp. I am soooo tired. And kinda cold” “No worries- i, big strong masculine man that i am, shall protect you from bears! and hold you. in like a manly way. and listen to you. I think establishing “relations” with¬†Native Americans is very important” “Huh…well i wouldn’t like to get in the way of such…progress”. You see where i am going with this. History is fun. Fun and dirty. Like washing up!).

¬†Anyway. Since the snow has stopped everything has been pretty boring. Seriously boring. Even history lessons. We are trying to write a rap about the suffrage movement in the UK to spice it up (oh, not as a class. my table was just bored. we actually came up with all these theories about Mr Pankhurst- did he die before his wife went all anti-men? Or was he alive and a chauvinist pig which is why she went anti-men? Or was he dominated by his strong wife and daughters and led a life or trying to not be in anyone’s way? I hope its the last one. Because then we could go back in time and give him a hug. And we could steal him and bring him back home because his wife would be too busy getting arrested to notice!).

Other things…um….i hate grapefruit. And pineapples. I mean…i don’t know why. I just get the feeling that if grapefruits could talk they¬†would¬†be total jackasses.¬†Pineapples¬†are sometimes okay….but just too friendly with the grapefruit. Always¬†taking grapefruit’s side! ¬†Doesn’t understand i can be serious! Mocking me constantly behind my back! But hey. It’s cool. I’ve got other fruits¬†i can chill with (oh- hanging out with Divya now means that i say things are “downtown” when i mean they are cool. and therefore things which are not cool are “uptown”. I am also hoping to bring the term L7 back. To mean square. Like in the song Woolly Bully). I mean, lemon can be a bit cynical at times but you know, get lemon and lime together and you get a fun evening. God i forget¬†how¬†nuts like…come under fruit. And not like…a general foody food category. ¬†Or maybe i just am getting completely mixed up. Damn wiki. oh well. Peanuts are amusing. Lets just leave it there. Orange is okay. A bit quiet really…at least orange isn’t a bitch like strawberry is.

Ooh! You know who isn’t a bitch? Or a least, who i hope isn’t? Ted’s new girlfriend on Scrubs! I mean- totally adorable! Though the actress in real life, Kate Micucci, her songs seem a little less sweet, more tongue-in-cheek and wordly. Weirdly enough, the song i listen to most by her band…group…Kate and some other person thingy… is actually the Worst Songs Medley which they didn’t write…its just an acoustic mashup of awful songs (a mashup with a ukulele! how awesome i hear you cry! or not…okay you- you reading this- have just turned into that giant peanut dude laughing. Like, Mr Peanut? The one with the monocle and top hat? Only you are laughing so much¬†at the idea of such a twee mashup your monocle has fallen off. oh my god i could borrow his cane and we could tap dance in matching shiny shoes¬†to our rap about suffragettes! i wish my best friend was a giant peanut. though not a salted one. i mean…that seems wrong).

God maybe i should set up a dating website solely for people who dress up like peanuts. I mean- us Peanutters deserve more recognition from you people. Come on! He is a dandy peanut! Thats hot right? Who doesn’t find dashing gentlemen hot? But no…you people think its weird, you call us wrong and try to break up our conventions…yeah I’ve just searched “i find Mr Peanut attractive” onto google…not¬†one hit. Honestly. Never mind. One of these days when like…genetic modification (still haven’t done that essay) and stem cellness become more advanced….my peanut-love-pipe-dreams will become reality. Bwahaha. Ha. Ha.

Question: Does Mr Peanut count as a ‘celebrity’ crush?

(Oh congratulations to Chris Hastings- the creator of Dr McNinja- on his engangement to Carly Monardo! Its so cute i hope he isn’t joking- “I’m really unhappy to see Carly go. She’s immensely talented, and is fun and easy to work with. Thankfully I’ll still see her every day, because we’re getting married”. Aaaw. Thats number three off McNinja’s list: No. 3- Find true love! ‚ô•. In other news- Valetine’s day is coming up soon. How much do people in love suck?)

Snow Day!

Awesome day! My first actual snow day! Whole day off doing jack all. Apart from dancing and playing and fighting in the snow. And watching Hot Fuzz. Then watching Point Break (because they mention it all the time in Hot Fuzz…). Oh my god i love that film. Zomfg Garey Busey (who is¬†simply amazing. and¬†kinda hot. i know that sounds crazy but he is. okay- maybe not. I’m just real tired. )¬†and John C. McGinley (a.k.a Dr Cox who is most definitely hot. i mean, except when he shaved his head that time. what were you thinking? the boingy curls are fuckin’ A!…which is something i have always wanted to say/type after seeing The Big Lebowski. No idea why. It just seems to go with surfers. rad). Plus, i actually kinda like Keanu Reeves as Johnny Utah- i mean apart from at the end where his hair looks awful. And when his voice does that funny thing…i can’t describe it but it kinda makes me laugh and ruins the scene (and god you don’t want those epic scenes ruined).

It kinda sucks that it has stopped snowing. I mean, i think everyone is going a tad crazy. You go on facebook and it is all about the fucking¬†snow man (i should not have watched that film when i was tired. i am going to spend the rest of the week planning bank robberies and wanting to jump out of planes and going to beach parties because i am tired and confuuuused) and pictures of people in the snow and whether or not we get tomorrow off (we do! yays!). It is lovely. Its all quiet and white and snowy. And i made my first snowman! With a top hat and coal buttons and a carrot nose (and…plastic bottle tops for eyes. and a sparkly scarf…). Some jackass knocked it down. Said Jackass could have been the person who built a giant snow penis at the end of the road. Oh well. It’s nice that like only a foot of snow can just stop everything (um…by everything i mean public transport and school. which is…my life basically). I mean- we aren’t prepared for snow. Even a few inches of snow is enough to stop traffic. Heck, heavy rain stops traffic. Okay…everything stops traffic.

Why am i talking about traffic? Oh! Another thing which made the day great was watching this programme we recorded about Darwin presented by David Attenborough. He is the most lovely man alive. He is so adorable and enthusiastic and he get so happy about the world we live in and has done all this amazing stuff in his life. I don’t think anyone could hate him. I mean, people who hate him are like people who hate pie (i ate some meat pie for dinner. rawr): i.e they deserve to be murdered by Lincoln (um…okay that’s like the plot for a few strips of Thinkin’ Lincoln web cartoon…Lincoln is trying to find the person ho hates pie….it turns out it is Ayn Rand…which makes sense in a way…and he kills her. i mean, she comes back to life but the message is clear. like pie or honest Abe will fuck you up).

Speaking of Lincoln- apparently Liam Neeson is going to play him in some 20011 biopic. That’s weird. Because Neeson is English. And Lincoln is from Kentucky (which is probably quite a hard accent to do). And has a beard (ooh- Lincoln without a beard is scary. he looks like some sinister magician. ooh! Lincoln in a fez! that would be cute!). Its soon going to be the 200th anniversary of his birth! Same as Darwin! Isn’t it fun how things link up?

I can’t actually celebrate because February 12th is a Wednesday i believe and i will be at school. But during the half term it would be fun to go check out the Natural History Museum. If anyone i know is reading this (*waves* hi. sorry if you read this far) would you like to come?

Snow! Need I say more?

I just had an awesome awesome snowball fight. It is snowing! For real! I was jealous because everyone on facebook was like “yay snow!” and i thought that it wasn’t snowing where i am…but it is. so much snow i made a snow angel (which i have never done before). It means i haven’t done by biology homework but who honestly cares about whether or not genetic modification is ethically sound when there is fun to be had? I have not had a real snowball fight in ages. Also our snowball fights were always in the garden and so the snow get very muddy and dirty. Our street is closed off due to roadworks so we didn’t have to worry about cars or anything. Very very happy : )

Also happy because i have a packet of mints with Bill Clinton’s face on which says “More Bill- Less Kill”. Mmm. I totally agree (oh speaking of presidents- two of Jonathon¬†Coulton’s songs have lists of all the presidents up to Dubya. i think he should get them up to date! i keep going around going “its Obama day number whatever”. i will continue until i find it too difficult to work out how many days he’s been in office). I also found a 7″ record of “Doctorin’ the TARDIS” by The Timelords in a charity shop in Twickenham (which for some reason reminded me of some kind of post apocalyptic town. not like i have¬†ever been in one…or one exists…but hey.¬†i wrote a poem about it. with green ink. because I’m pretentious cool like that). It actually says under the other information bit “probably the most nauseating record in the world” which made me smile.

Today i went to the Tate Britain to see Flaming June by Frederic Leighton because we have a print of it on our wall and soon it is going back to Puerto Rico. I don’t actually like it so much- maybe because I’m used to the much much smaller version in said room and also because it is kept in this hideously over the top frame which i personally think doesn’t go to well with the whole peaceful sleep thing which the painting has going on. Also at the Tate Britain is The Last Sleep of Arthur in Avalon by Edward Burne-Jones- which is pretty awesome even if it is unfinished (not like you can really tell- the dude did spend like 18 years working on it. its stuff like the harp not having any strings and little details which weren’t finished).¬†That is also going back to Puerto Rico soon. To the Ponce Museum of Art (jeez i would be kind upset is i spent the last years of my life getting obsessed by this painting only to have it go to Puerto Rico- i mean would people even get the whole King Arthur thing? If not we could just screen Merlin with Sam Neill in it. I loved that.¬†i love Sam Neill. I love everybody tonight. )