Very Boring Yays.

I have found the man who is going to help me get over the end of the Silver Jews. I am actually so ridiculously happy right now. Jonathon Coulton. I am in love with the song Skullcrusher Mountain (its about an evil scientist falling in love with one of his captives!!!). and Re Your Brains (a zombie writing to one of his colleagues to ask if he would consider letting zombies eat his brain). And maybe i am just a little hyper because today was Green Day. Boo Yeah. Our new mufti-day where we dress in green and travel to and from school in an eco-friendly way. Which is…fun i guess.

It has been a pretty uneventful week. Getting back mock results. Going out for my mum’s birthday. Mocking my chemistry teacher (its just too easy. though maybe i shouldn’t have slow clapped. that was mean, but he was giving us test!) and for some reason, we have been talking about religion a lot this week. One of my friends recently converted to Catholicism (well, not really recently, but only her close friends knew and just now news has spread to the general populous) and we’ve been calling her by her confirmation name (its Nina- how spooky is that?) and being all “yeah but do you believe THIS?!” and generally testing her faith (she thinks this is a good thing for us to be doing so its cool).

I am not entirely sure if there is anything to blog about. This is sad. (oooh! Bleb! Bleb is a real word! that’s cool- right guys?). I have reached 102 blog posts. I am probably spending a bit too much time on the internet. Maybe i should spend more time watching TV instead.  Or catching up on my reading (after The Princess Bride…do i need any other books? Yes. Yes i do. I am just finding it difficult to pick up books and read them. I promised Fred i would read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close…i have been saying “Fred” repeatedly recently. today i moved on to saying “macaroni and cheese” over and over again instead. sometimes, it feels like i am some faulty tape player just repeating words- this happens a lot. on a similar theme, i am no longer as articulate as i used to be. i now say things like “yo yo yiggedy yo”- which i believe is actually a quote from the Scooby Doo movie- at every opportunity. And attempt some gangsta hand-signs. this is not really something which is working out for me…i actually have no idea how this bracket started).

Oooh! OOH! Dr McNinja! Did anyone happen to see that über-cool twist! Oh noes! It isn’t an evil robot temple guard! Its Dr McNinja’s ex-girlfriend only we don’t know what happened in that relationship or what ended it yet! (hah- i bet you are all totally wishing you read Dr McNinja right now. go. go google now). I think my favourite McNinja storyline was Punch Dracula. That was just….so awesome. too awesome for words (plus it had some amazing alt. text) but really you should just go read all of them (okay- so i haven’t read the guest strips but who does!?)

For some reason on mufti days i get very positive. I feel this strange urge to compliment everyone i like (which kinda sounds like i am fishing for compliments myself. i’m not. i’m wearing a mickey mouse jumper i mean…yeah….i have no idea why people still talk to me. Especially Suzy. my conversations with her today all went like this:

(Suzy is in the middle of something, i am hanging around)

Me: ooh! Suzy come over here!

(Suzy comes over to me)

Suzy: Yeah?

Me: OOOOH! (*pokes an item of Suzy’s clothing*)

seriously though- her clothing was just asking to be poked. it looked so fun!)


Goodbye Berman, Hello King of All Cosmos

Okay. You might be expecting me to talk about The Princess Bride. Or end of exam celebrations. Or the painfully recent breakup of the Silver Jews (how could you David!?!?!). And I will. But i would like to to begin by saying that i think cup fungi are very pretty 🙂

Look! It's really awesome fungi!

Look! It's really awesome fungi!


Pretty fungi helps me calm down. As does ABBA (see what you have reduced me too?!) and obsessively applying lip balm. Because i am seriously pissed at you David Berman (speaking of pretty pictures, i happen to have one of David Berman eating twister ice cream. That is awesome on so many levels! I used to freakin’ love twister ice cream!), and myself. The ONE time i could have gotten tickets to see the Silver Jews- i forgot. I didn’t really like them then, i just thought it was a good name and for such a low price i ought to check it out. Now i will never see them! I am just going to have to get a car, learn to drive it, go to Tennessee (I’m pretty sure that’s where you live. so watch out. well, actually don’t- then my plan won’t work) and kidnap you. Keep you underneath the ping-pong table. Force you to read me your poetry. That kind of thing. Which would be weird- but ultimately for your own good (yeah…plan isn’t fully developed yet). But that would be mean- especially considering you just revealed your estrangement from your father, who is “a world historical motherfucking son of a bitch.”. I hope this is only a temporary break. Giving you some time to grow a longer, grey, flowy beard and to write some kickass poetry (seriously- i would like another book. please). Or you could have a child- that would be pretty adorable.

(actually- people who i want to have children: John Green and The Yeti, Katherine and Hank Green. they would be the most awesomest, nerdiest babies of all time).

For once, i don’t have much to say about The Princess Bride. I have a lot more reading to do. And i did calm down eventually. Why did he never write the sequel? the sequel sounds awesome (but…but did he have sex with someone else? that was kinda implied. i know he’s a pirate and all but i was ever-so-slightly devastated)! And then we could make another film. Starring me. And Sean Penn. In your face Robin Wright Penn! (okay, no. Cary Elwes will always be my Westley. and he will always come for me- this is true love! do you think this happens everyday?)

End of exams! It was a hectic friday trying to party. Thats kinda my fault for never having my phone on me and hating phone conversations….so we ended up waiting at some bus stop for around 2 hours waiting for Sophia to turn up. But it ended up okay! We watched Secret Window (again. Got to love that film- tis’ hilarious) and Forgetting Sarah Marshall (which was better than i thought it would be- loving the Dracula musical). We ate the party rings. They were pretty fucking amazing.  Kinda too exhausted to do much. Invented a new word for bus.

On Sunday, Fia introduced me to the world of Katamari Damacy. I suck at it (yeah…even though its like…ridiculously easy) but god i love it. I love how pretty it is. I love the object you get to roll (like- the object of the game is to roll objects up into a ball. Youtube it or something). I love the music. Most of all- I love the King of All Cosmos


"Maybe we'll invent Cosmic Esperanto"

"Maybe we'll invent Cosmic Esperanto"


Yes- maybe we will invent cosmic Esperanto. Together. And i will sing you songs in our little private language on a rainbow guitar- is that a rainbow-coloured guitar or a guitar made of rainbows? Who knows. All we know is that it will be beautiful and touching yet also rather sextacular (that word has the added bonus/creepiness of making me think of tentacles).

“Please, please cure me…”

I am currently on Princess Bride Time-out. I am taking the time to mentally prepare myself after being warned that the wrong people will die. So i am dealing with this extreme pain by dancing to Aqua songs whilst wearing a hat. After all, when we are in pain do we not all wish for Dr Jones to come save us? Or that we were Barbie Girls? Or…yeah their other songs are rubbish. But the video for My Oh My has pirates in it. So yes. It relates to The Princess Bride. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this (okay- i must have done. actually, i mentioned it recently) but i love The Princess Bride. The film that is. I used to have a major thing for The Man in Black (i still kinda do. hes awesome) and i can mouth along to the words. Now i am reading the book.

AND OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS BOOK. Okay- it is trash. It is an adventure story. I feel ashamed to admit to reading it whilst Jess is reading Voltaire and Hannah is reading The Grapes of Wrath. But hey- that’s just because i have majorly weird and intelligent friends. It doesn’t stop this book from being amazing. Even more so than the film (its kind of annoying to read the book when i know the film so well because sometimes the film has stolen lines from the scenes they haven’t cut and used them in a totally different context. And apparently Westley’s eyes are like the sea before a storm, not after. i don’t really know the difference, but it sure as hell changes things!) . I am incredibly involved with this book- hence the time out. I don’t want them to die! Because it might be Inigo or Fezzik! I now know their back stories! And they’re really sad. The book is also very funny by the way, and Goldman uses brackets a lot (gosh, i don’t know who that reminds me of at all) and includes witty comments in them (its me! it reminds me of me!).

Also! Robin Wright! Played Buttercup! Is now Robin Wright PENN! Yes! I have always disliked Buttercup (only in the film- book Buttercup i adore)  and now i find out she is married to Sean freakin’ Penn(“Doctor what can i do? Why does it have to be like that?”. Doctor Penn isn’t as catchy as Doctor Jones- but it makes imaginary me very happy)! MY Sean Penn! though it would be awesome if he ! Just when i get over my two-day infatuation this comes along and reminds me of all the injustices dealt to me by fate involving my relationship with Sean Penn (okay if that sentence doesn’t make sense then just remember that so great is my passion that i have forgotten how the english language works)! Then I defy you stars!

Happy Obama Day!!!

I am so amazingly excited. Barack Obama is president! Like for real! He didn’t get shot or anything and the wiki page has been updated to say so! I thought i had missed the inauguration….because i forgot about time zones for a while…came home, was about to settle down to watch friends….then realised the inauguration was on. Oh my god. I am so glad i did not miss that. I wouldn’t have minded missing like, the prayer lead by the Californian dude or the music composed by John Williams. Plus, i just could not understand a word Aretha Franklin was singing. I kept thinking it was going to change into “God Save the Queen”. Also I always think she is dead. No idea why- she just seems like  she should be dead in a way…i know how weird that sounds. It is just because she’s legendary and all. Anyway.

THAT SPEECH. MOST AWESOME THING EVER. I mean, i was all hyper and yelling at my dog to watch the TV screen and giggling and being all “aaaw! he stumbled over his vows!” and then he started his speech. It was just amazing. It really did feel like a historic moment- i don’t think i had really grasped that fully until he got up there and did just said all that- i swear he didn’t look at notes or anything. He is just that cool. It actually got to some point in his speech where i was just yelling out “Yes! Yes we can!” after every sentence. And stroking the screen. It must have looked a bit crazy- but i’m sure people literally all over the world were doing the same. I’ve never actually watched an inaugural speech before. I mean, Bill Clinton (who looked awful today by the way. or maybe thats just because Obama was totally outsexing everyone in the world today) got sworn in a few months before i was born and then it was Bush….and i wasn’t interest back in 2001 when i was around (okay its taking me an age to work out how old i would have been. my brain is just not working right now) 8 or 9 and then when he got elected again i was too disgusted to watch. So yeah. Pretty awesome time to be alive and watching speeches.

I hope its going to be an awesome four years. I mean- did you feel all the hope? It really felt that something amazing was happening. Like “yes! i believe in what he is saying! i really do!”. Even though i hate to say it because you know…it sounds all weird and cheesy…it feels very good to be American today. Okay- i’m only half-american. But i have a passport! And a second birth certificate! After years of feeling kinda bad and guilty and rather “damn, what has America done now which people are going to constantly remind me of?” its like “yay! my country rocks!”. Obama could think of a good way to say it. Even what he said about America being all about freedom, and not race or background etc., sounded good.

Happy Obama Day Everybody! (okay- trying to choose only one picture of our new president is really hard. I get such a buzz from typing that! *waves hands around*  look at his adorable smile! happy day!) ♥♥♥

Happy Obama Day!

Happy Obama Day!

Foody food!

I have two packs of party rings in my cupboard (see? i meant to post this yesterday? this person typing now? is actually like…future me. this was written by the me of yesterday. actually more like the me of two days ago. anyway). I haven’t had party rings in years, so i am throwing a….party-ish thing….on friday as an excuse to eat them. Well, not really its just a celebration of exams but one day i would like to throw a “Nostalgia-inducing-foods Party”. With party rings and ice gems and wagon wheels and wotsits and the like. See, my best friend when i was younger, Nina…she lived just around the corner from me and her house had a fuchsia bsh outside. okay i didn’t know the name, i always referred to them as “hey- thats like Nina-flowers” and after a long time googline i now know they are actually Fushchia Magellanica. so hah. i also spent a lot of time flicking through photo albums looking for a picture. i actually just wanted to scan in all these photos….even though i was meant to be saying Nina always had party rings and Thai food at her parties. And i miss them. My non-food related memories of Nina:

  • We stole a box of matches from her kitchen and sneakily lit matches before lowing them out and chucking them in a corner. I remember feeling very daring (i was like 4 okay?)
  • Nina had a metal like…playframe thing in her garden. I broke my arm falling off that thing. (I always felt so disappointed because for some reason i wasn’t allowed to let people sign my cast)
  • She really wanted a pet, she would pretend this white, fluffy cat was her pet and we would sit and stroke it for ages and she would give it milk in a little saucer. She eventually got two parakeets shortly before we went our separate ways (or to out it another way: different primary schools)
  • Her attic! Oh wait…food related. We werealways trying to get up and once we did and there were loads of easter eggs. It was awesome.
  • Um…lots of memories are connected to the food. This is because her mother, Bonnie, was always making us food. Her mother was from Thailand so she would cook us this great food and i would find it rather exciting because my mother never really had the time to cook real food
  • This is a photo of us getting back from McDonalds.

Yes we have a Treasure Bag 🙂

No idea why we are so nicely dressed. It was probably her birthday party. I actually have quite a few memories of the McDonalds in surbiton. Actually, weirdly enough Dilemma by Nelly&Kelly reminds me of that McDonalds.


Anyway- enough of the weird nostalgia trip. After exams i plan to party. I am celebrating getting halfway through my exams by drinking some more Julmust (i found we had another bottle in our fridge…i was somewhat excited. am considering stealing the bottle of Julmust i found in ben’s room. its so addictive. tricksy swedes!)

I'm a tiger! With ringlets!

I'm a tiger! With ringlets!

Megabats and Brackets

I meant to update this yesterday with a blog which got all nostalgic because i bought some party rings (!!!!!!) but my scanner is working which yeah…basically it will appear sometime soon. Which is a shame. It is probably more interesting than this post because right now i am just trawling through the internet, wishing i could buy some tickets to go see Emmy the Great. I like her music. I like Emmy as well- she’s adorable. I saw her at Latitude 2007 in like, this little stage in the woods and after the show i got a picture of Emmy giving bunny ears to my friend (who apparently doesn’t like Emmy much anymore. and is now dating my brother. awkward much).

But Emmy is not as cool as Megabats. You heard me: Megabats. Otherwise known as Old World Fruitbats. I love the random article option on wikipedia. I love the fact that apparently Megabats  “pose no direct threat to human beings, baby cows, or ill children”. I love you wikipedia, i really do. Plus all the different kinds of Megabat! “Lesser tube-nosed fruit bat” and “bare-backed fruit bats” or “long-tongued fruit bats”. It just makes me very happy for some reason. Plus they are really adorable. I just want a talking one. Look at its smile!

A Megabat!

A Megabat!

When i was about 4 or 5, i went with my family to sit outside this cave for aaaages. And i had no idea why we were there. I feel like that a lot but anyway. At sundown, this great cloud of bats flew out the cave to start hunting! It was pretty awesome.

I have also been enjoying Tanglewood Numbers. David Berman is adorable. I wish i was his wife. No, seriously. Cassie Berman is really cute and can play the banjo and can pull off pink-tinted hexagonal shades. (Though right now i actually feel very cool because i am wearing two watches! and one of them is making a funny noise. One is the watch my grandfather gave my mum at her graduation, the other belonged to my step-grandmother. (edit: i am now wearing three watches! hah! all reading different times!)i am also wearing dangly, hippy earrings which make me feel fun and i jangle when i walk. Why isn’t David Berman a practitioner of bigamy?! Why can’t he marry me? Is it because w have never met and I’m 15? Or is it because he just can’t handle all this love i want to give him? or…because that just sounds really creepy. (Speaking of creepy: i was reading an interview with Charlotte Rouche about her novel Wetlands. eeeww. ewwww. kinda want read it just so i can laugh at the people who fainted during the readings but probably wont because i do not want to be seen buying it. Oh: also in Borders the other day i saw they have a special “erotic literature” thing next to the classic section. me and hannah were planning on buying some for zoë because they look hilarious). Anyway. Its a good album. It sucks because they play some of my favourite songs…and i can only buy their CDs off the internet because i live on this ridiculous island! GAH! (fyi: i live in Papua New Guinea. i wish. i live on a non-excitingly shaped island. which sucks. everyday i drive down to the coastline and yell at it.)

Oh, you may have noticed in the bracket above (or maybe you just skipped over it i don’t know. maybe you just don’t read brackets, leaving me free to insult you in the brackets. ha! you stupid person wasting time reading my arbitrary thoughts! i believe you suck!) but me and Hannah spent some time hanging out at Borders on Friday. It must have looked a bit odd, two girls poring over books, going into the classical civ. section to laugh at Caesar (“hah! those druids! they are concerned with divine things and sacrifices public and private!”) and me flicking through Bill Clinton’s autobiography to show Hannah this photo of him with a beard which makes him look like a sea captain. Oh Bill. You and your not-very-well-thought-out-at-all facial hair. We were quite hyper, no idea why because we had just had a latin exam. We were loving this question: How is the visitor described (2 marks)? Answer: A huge and beautiful young man.

Anyway. I am going to stop typing because my face feels likes it burning. If i don’t have time to update later: Enjoy Barack’s inauguration bitches! (yeah, not the finest sentence i have ever typed but it just felt…right somehow)

The War between Cowboys and Shoe Trees

I am officially on study leave. Which sucks. I actually prefer school to this. I preferred last week at school which was spent revising, getting little sheets, spilling hydrochloric acid all over my hands, copying stuff down, being assured my biology teacher is not the Fuhrer (the science corridors are so freakin’ cold we get to light bunsen burners and it kinda looked like we were nazisaluting when we held our hands over the flame…speaking of Hitler i have just watched the last episode of Band of Brothers which was amazing and me and my family were all laughing about Hitler being afraid of heights) and best of all: convincing Divya (oh she never reads this so i can name her) that Michelle and Barack Obama are brother and sister and that they are allowed to marry because the president is above the law (“i knew america was free but i didn’t know it was that free”). We had her fooled all afternoon! It was awesome. She was relieved when we told her that they were in no way related.

Divya does not get mentioned enough in this blog. Actually a lot of people who i like don’t. But its weirdest that Divya doesn’t because she is kinda always there- just chillin’ out max and relaxing all cool. As a result i generally mistreat divya and abuse her trust. For this i am sorry and i would promise to never do it again but we both know that i would break this promise next maths lesson. I am also sorry because she’s just really nice. And fun to laugh at andwith. Also Divya is unlike my other friends because she is weird without being insane, only has miniature crises (oh apart from that time she got hit by a car. its okay. she was fine. her continual crises involve boys who walk funny because they think it is cool. apparently this is called “bopping”) and doesn’t like rock music so its okay if i admit to liking certain songs and artists.

So basically revision is making me go insane. I have rediscovered my love of Super Furry Animals which is…good. I talk through my history notes (“and the League was all “meh…we don’t want to do anything about the Manchurian crisis” so Japan just totally got away with it and back in Europe Hitler and Mussolini were like “oooh- i bet we could get away with invading people too”and yeah- Mussolini then totally went and pwnd Abyssinia”). I play with some plastic pearl necklace thing.

And this little toy cowboy. He is quite cool. He is leader of a gang consisting of: a little glass cat i won at a school fair, a colourful hexagonal box containing change (mainly euros for some reason) and a pair of good quality, black-handled kitchen scissors. Their enemy is a fancy shoe tree. The cowboy hates shoe trees. Then again, he went slightly insane from being locked up in a shoe drawer with a talking glass dolphin with no tail (won at the same stall as the cat) for too long. The cowboy and his gang live on top of a set of drawers, known locally as “Picture Frame Country” and the shoe trees live below the dresser, the head honcho of the shoes trees resides in a grand box called “Ol’ Musty”. (i personally think was would make a great film and could be marketed as “toy story for potheads”).

Wish me, and my fellow exam takers, good luck for tomorrow. I know the exams themselves don’t matter, but if i do madly i basically get locked up to revise for the next few months. I mean, not like this stops the dramatic action in my head (“fine, you know what? I ama boxing bear who owns a time machine which i will then use to go back in time and make sure the president of mexico has a daughter”. yeah, i have this thing about my friend marrying the president of mexico’s daughter. its a long story. in the end, she kills another of my friends (because she thought the two were having an affair but they so weren’t! he was learning some language so he could interpret what this ghost-um, who fought the mexican lady for his hand in marriage- was saying in his dreams!) then commits suicide but the police think said friend killed them both so he gets imprisoned and depending on whether or not i am in a good mood i help him escape. though i have no idea where we would go because mexico is just like where i want to run away to. i am not entirely sure where the being a boxing bear comes into it. and the prime minister of mexico does have a daughter, she is called Maria. but seeing as she is only 11. and although my head is set in the future, she still needs to be older so i guess i need to find someone willing to go back in time and impregnate Margarita Zavala….or just encourage her to make babies with her husband. Though…they were married in 1993 which was the year i was born. Maybe i should just hope that someone with an older daughter takes over mexico in the future. i should just not be planning this).

So yes…wish me luck. Because typing all that out made me forget how french grammar works.

P.S Happy Birthday to Richard Stevens (author of Diesel Sweeties)! And my condolonces to Miles Grover (writer of Thinkin’ Lincoln) on losing his job. *warms fuzzies and hugs for you both*

Busey, Nostalgia and Birthdays!

Today is Suga’s birthday! Happy Birthday Suga! I would like to do a Hank Green and whip out my guitar and play a song i have written for this occasion…but yeah…still not doing so good on the learning to play guitar front. And that would involve making a video. Then playing back that video and being all “….i can’t believe that is my voice”. Because when i am thinking, my voice sounds lovely. Almost like some kind of female…non-scottish…Sean Connery. Okay not like Sean Connery at all but it is just nice. And i don’t want to ruin that for me. So i would like to add this video of Suga’s theme tune to the video. Because we all love this song. And it reminds me that this summer i will be in america and will no longer be so freakin’ cold.

So Best Wishes to Suga. Who according to facebook is happy. Yays.

Anyway. I am actually just typing to avoid revision. Also because i am addicted to constantly checking this incredibly weird thread on the Something Awful forum which started off as “lets photoshop celebrity heads on people doing ordinary things” to “lets photoshop Gary Busey onto anything we can get our hands on”. Now, i don’t know a lot about Gary Busey because he is in films i haven’t seen and is more famous in america and actually…the only time i have seen him in anything was his brief cameo in scrubs. But i do know that he has one crazy face.  I just checked it out at some other random persons suggestion and now whenever i am trying to think normally Gary Busey’s head just pops up, snickering like Muttley from Wacky Races (does anyone remember that? i remember them more for the whole “Stop the Pigeon!” thing which i only just found out was not actually entitled “Stop the Pigeon”. it has some weird long name. but if so-  does it blow your mind that Muttley was voiced by the same person who voiced Scooby-Doo? i mean…its wrong! he also voiced Papa Smurf! which is…weird i guess. it would be creepy to be the voice of Papa Smurf) (another question-  Dick Dastardly? hypercool non?)

Busey and nostalgia aside- Suzy has apparently read my blog. Hello Suzy! *waves hysterically because i have recognised Suzy’s coolness ever since we both went on a school trip to Greece and we sang “Switch” on the plane* *Suzy rolls eyes at my desperate attempts to be associated with her*.

BUT WAY MORE COOL THAN SUZY IS THE SHAKESPEARE ACTION FIGURE LIVING  IN MY FRUIT BOWL. Just take my word for it. He is there. Hanging out with the oranges and bananas and this random thing of garlic. He is there.

Sweet, Sugary Guilt

My chemistry teacher gave me a bottle of maple syrup. I am not entirely sure if i have ever mentioned this….but i freakin’ love maple syrup. So so much. And he had some on his desk, which he had bought in for his form to put on pancakes but no one used it because they preferred the Nutella (the losers), and i kinda asked if he what he was going to do with and he said i could have it. My chemistry teacher. Who i have described on this very blog as a “prancing Abercrombie and Fitch clad doll”. And just have been mean to. And who i ignore and probably have been awful to teach. And he is always so nice to me. And now he has given me maple syrup. I feel guilty. So i am going to have to make him some brownie. But that still may be weird because he is like the official hot young male teacher.

Now, my friends know that i have weird taste in men. People who i don’t really know that well probably also know that. But my chemistry teacher doesn’t. Most of the people in my chemistry class wouldn’t know. I mean, who in their right mind would choose….oh god i am trying to think of someone i like who isn’t dead or fictional….let us say John Green who is a self proclaimed nerd and has very puffy hair and would most likely be considered  average looking by most people (he is though amazingly adorable and smart and funny! and can eat 5 sheets of toiler paper whilst discussing the political situation in nepal!)….over my chemistry teacher. (I would so choose John just so that is clear) So giving him cake might be weird. Yelling at everyone “i am only giving him cake because he gave me maple syrup” may not help matters.

But none of that really matters because today it was snowing!It was first day back at school (though i was at the orthodontist during english and physics) and the snow made that seem okay. That and meeting up with my friends after not seeing them for like 2 weeks. Imogen gave us some hogmany cupcakes and there was much excited updating. Tomorrow will probably be worse. I am going to have to work. And explain to my maths teacher how i just never did this work. And do history homework i should probably be doing now instead of blogging. Oh well.

I read Memories of My Melancholy Whores today. Which was odd and slightly disturbing. In every Marquez book i have read- there is always some man having sex with a much younger girl. I mean…that basically is the whole point of Of Love and Other Demons. It was a very creepy part of One Hundred Years of Solitude. I could go on. However, there were some things he said which i could relate to about daydreaming. He wants to have sex with a virgin on his 90th birthday and he is sent to the girls room yet she is sleeping. He falls in love with the sleeping girl- he never wakes her. He just visits her again and again letting her sleep. During the day he imagines what she is like and gives he gives her a name and when he returns he remarks that “seeing and touching her in the flesh, she seemed less real to me than in my memory” and in fact says he he prefers her asleep. Which is something i totally understand.  But i am very very tired now. i will update you later on brownie making situation.

Gnomes, Sean Penn and Eternal Sorrow.

I apologise to any maths people who read my last post. It was just a way of avoiding maths revision and to stop myself from drowning my sorrows in the painfully non-alcoholic Julmust whilst listening to “Surrender” and playing online tetris. Which is what i am currently doing. Not like i really have any sorrows which need drowning. Plus, in my mind sorrows are like crazy gnomes who look like you could catch them and drown them but somehow are really fast and manage to trip you up when you are trying to catch them and then laugh and point and get all their gnome friends to come round and laugh at you. And you are too busy getting mad to realise they tied up your shoes and so when you try to stand you fall over again and the gnomes decide it is party time and are breaking out the beers and passing round a joint and just laughing in a strung out way at your ineffectual struggles. Then you just kind of give up and they all start recounting your sorrows to you.

Sorrow/Gnome 1: Hey, like do you remember that time you spent New Years Eve alone?

Sorrow/Gnome 2: Like oh yeah! She was all “i’m so lonely and upset!”

(All sorrows/gnomes laugh, more bottles of beer are passed around)

Me: (in defensive tone) I was not all upset. I accepted the fact that i had nothing to do and just enjoyed relaxing and reading my book

Sorrow/Gnome 3: (ignoring her) I mean, you being a total loser-ino [okay- the gnomes are pretty far gone. they are lightweights okay?] would be okay if you actually got good grades or whatever

Sorrow/Gnome 2: Duude she can’t even revision for the freakin’ mocks

Sorrow/Gnome 3: woah…they aren’t even like real exams

Okay yeah basically what i am getting at is that i hate gnomes which are representative of sorrow. actually i just hate all gnomes. they creep me out i am being weirdly oblivious to my problems. That isn’t good. I really need to revise. My brother Nat actually gave me a little pep talk about how i would do great if i revised and you know…he doesn’t usually act all big-brothery. So that was nice. I still didn’t revise. My parents think i am revising really hard. I feel guilty because i have just been daydreaming or reading etc. Not even about anything good. Seriously- the people in my head are trying to write a musical based on the songs of Wham! (okay it is actually a pretty good musical. there are two different versions: one with a happy ending where the closing song is ‘Wake me up before you Go-Go’ and the sad version where the closing song is ‘Last Christmas’ before the main guy commits suicide or something).

Things are just going badly. I actually got tired of drinking tea today. That is kind of a big deal. My british ancestors are probably also ashamed of me. I mean, i do remember my father telling me some stories about the lengths my grandfather went to so that he could get tea when in Egypt during World War II. Seriously. My family are hardcore tea drinkers. Though this has mucked up my sleeping pattern. Went to sleep at 7am after watching The Dark Knight on this laptop (i was so excited when i saw Nat had bought the DVD. i might spend tonight watching the Bonus Features disk).

That was kind of weird because just before i began watching it, a friend alerted me to the fact our chemistry teacher (i know, i said he would never turn up in the blog again) had changed his facebook picture to one of him dressed up as the joker (he looks hilarious). I would like to point out that said friend, you can now see why she is anonymous, is not some crazy stalker. She was bored at 1:50am and when you are bored that is the kind of things people do. We then also he has made a group on facebook organising a trip to Las Vegas and other parts of the USA and we spent a couple of hours posting each other about why on earth would he want to go to Utah (to make out with hot mormon chicks and eat jell-o. Jell-o is the official snack of Utah and, according to wiki, mormons love it. I shit you not) and laughing about how he said he thought the Hooters hotel looked classy. (Sorry if you are reading this but come on. Hooters? Classy? I hope you were joking. But if you stumbled across this blog i presumed- like everyone else- you stopped reading when i started typing about gnomes so it is safe to admit that i haven’t done any chemistry revision. I do plan to. Just…i hate it so much. Sorry. The lessons are kind of fun when you are being evil and giving us quizzes but chemistry itself is also bad and evil and shall be outlawed by future dictator me. enjoy your trip sir.)

The other thing is…i can’t stop thinking about Sean Penn. It is seriously weird. I watched ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ the other day just because it gets referenced all the time and it is actually quite funny. But i just couldn’t get over the fact that Sean Penn, the Sean Penn, who i always just think of as being serious and…dark-haired plays Jeff Spicoli. Blonde stoner surfer and official party dude. I might be able to stop thinking about him and his odd nose if i didn’t keep on listening to “Somebody’s Baby” repeatedly which is played a lot during the film. Plus i keep seeing his face everywhere because of the whole ‘Milk’ thing. Plus…my mind keeps trying to connect things. Sean Penn directed Into the Wild- the book is mentioned in acknowledgments of Paper Towns- Paper Towns makes use of Walt Whitman’s poems- Walt Whitman was apparently the inspiration for the character of Dracula in Bram Stoker’s novel- i have blogged about Dracula. Or alternatively Sean Penn directed Into the Wild- the books is mentioned in acknowledgments of Paper Towns- Markus Zusak is also mentioned in the acknowledgments AND in John Green’s contribution to ‘Let it Snow’- i have one of Zusaks books on my shelf. So yeah. Me and Sean Penn connected by love books. Thank you John Green. Oh yeah also…in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Damone sings ‘Surrender’ to some girl to try and remind who Cheap Trick are so she buys gig tickets off him. So yeah. Sean Penn was in that movie. I am listening to that song. We are totally meant to be together.

I don’t actually want to be romantically involved with Sean Penn. I mean…he was married to Madonna. And is in fact married as i type. Oh…actually according to wikipedia they announced that they were going to divorce last year, but then they called off the divorce. Ouch. I am sorry Mr Penn if you like…googled your own name and reading this bought back some painful memories. I hope the marriage is okay now. I mean, unless you want to like romantically swoop into my life and take me dancing. I…can’t dance but in my mind neither can you. So we just have a big laugh and spend all night wondering around a park talking. So you know…maybe you would like to think about that. Mull things over. But remember that you are totally not allowed to google yourself if we start dating.

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