Alt Text Lover

I am not entirely sure who i love more: the character Dr McNinja, or his creator Chris Hastings. I know that seems just a bit of a stupid question but hey, this is the Internet. Think of all the viral videos we know and love and then think about just how stupid they are. The problem is i am in love with the alternative text. i was happily reading along…then i happened to read the alt. text and realised that even that was funny. It has to be. Chris Hastings happens to have amazingly crazy ideas (Dracula’s moon base, Mexican banditos on velociraptors, sharp-shooting trapeze artists, Benjamin Franklin clone doing the Thriller dance…and oh yeah. A DOCTOR WHO IS A NINJA) but its also that he just makes 80s movie references in the alt. text, and things like “im listening to Sheena Easton’s “Morning Train”..” which makes me go “but i love that song! and no one else i know does! you must be my true love!”. And frankly it would be awesome if i had a true love who manages to make violence adorable.  

(Oh, whilst we are on the subject of nerdy love: Ben ‘Yahtzhee’ Croshaw. I love his voice oh so much. And i know i mentioned this before but Gordan Freeman is hot! I also am just in love with Peggle. Its not like a particular character because obviously it isn’t character based…but it is full of bright colours and happiness! i want to marry it!)

Aaaanyway…me and my Dr McNinja love aside, things have been okay. Hannah is being depressed because in history we are doing 1920s americawhich meant research into the KKK and having to listen to “Strange Fruit” by Billie Holiday which is probably the most distressing and painful song ever (particularly if you watch footage of her singing it. Extremely chilling). So Hannah is turning the meaning of every event into “”HUMANS ARE EVIL!” and most of the time she is right. She did cheer up in iMedia (its like an ICT course, but creative) and we filmed my maths teacher moving the interactive white board up and down (its like…on a slidey thing…). I like my maths teacher. He just doesn’t notice my table so we sit at the back. I guess i won’t fill in their names even if its obvious to those who know me, but maybe you could just fill them in with imaginary people or people you might think this about:

  • Person A: Generally mocked/ignored (i know, that’s mean. But maths puts me in a bad mood and she sits furthest away from me). Tries hard, but we’re lowest set maths so trying never really gets us far as our maths teacher, all new and freshly out of training, walked in to discover on the first day when he started with “so, presuming you can all do trigonometry…” and we all gave him a look. (OKay, i love trig. because its the only maths i can do, but hey. true story)
  • Person B: Probably knows the most maths but won’t admit it. Always talking with Person C about Duke of Edinburgh Award. Mostly remembers books and we generally borrow her calculator (which we all use to do really simple sums- “hey- whats 7×8 again?” “Can’t be bothered to think, have the calculator”)
  • Person C: Generally really tired and depressed or sometimes really high and bouncy. Can’t be bothered with maths, copies answers from back of book (what idiot actual thought of that? “oooh! they can check their work and just not cheat at all!”). She shares her ipod with me which is nice, mainly chart stuff and old pop but it is still better than nothing. She also thinks im crazy.
  • I am Person D: I spend maths drawing and writing in the back of my books. Or reading under the desk. (I know, in my head that makes me sound like a secretly cool nerd in an cute-but-almost-mainstream-indie film).

Writing either takes form of rambling, random stories (fact and fiction! well, okay the only non-fiction was about Pythagoras but it was pretty cool) and occasionally poetry (although prize for best poetry has to go to a poem i wrote in english to help me remember that immediately has an “e”)

Also drawings, there was a time where i ended up drawing dinosaurs over every piece of paper on me. Dinosaurs saying “im a little teapot short and stout, this is my handle this is my spout”. (one of the dinosaurs had an eye patch. Yes, that is a bit too amazing)

Always lots of stickmen. Once, it was stickmen trying to escape from irrational numbers (being narrated by those guys-in-the-movies-with-southern-accents-who-mention-the-days-before-“they”-came) who in my world are insane killer numbers which kinda makes sense

Wow anyway that was a lot of rambling about nothing (did i remember to mention the drawings about people made entirely out of sharp objects? celebrating “kill day”? yeah that was one of the things that convinced person C i was crazy. Though honestly i was just in a bad mood and wanted to creep her out to make me laugh). But anyway. I am going to Swanage of Saturday to observe coastal landforms and partake in some bowling. Fwahaha.


Late Night Whining

Things making Olivia post a blog after midnight:

  • Tea. Damn me and my addiction to this wonderful brew.
  • Work: maths, french and geography. I can’t do the harder algebraic fraction equations! i just want to pretend my french lessons don’t exist, geography…well there is always geography. It is mainly the french. Before every french lesson this year i have gone through some extreme options of how to get out of it (but i am too much of a wuss to do anything)
  • John Singer- i just started reading The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers and Singer is a deaf-mute. I was sat on the bus earlier, really tired, trying to imagine on being a deaf-mute in a small town somewhere in Southern USA in the 1930s. Ended up being all dreamy and lethargic, was forced to snap out of it due to loud conversations of the bus people
  • ..You have no idea how tempting it is to write like a wiki article about “The Bus People”…a bunch of restless nomads, very loud and slow moving….
  • I am getting rather home-sick for non-home. The imaginary me in my head is currently holidaying in my grandparents house in Sacramento…i had no idea how much i miss that house. I don’t really look forward to going there all that much (heat, relatives, old family friends, not like i get to do typical holiday things, not much to do in Sacramento…) but i just found myself missing it. and the deep carpets in the living room. Its not a friendly feeling living room, but is sure as hell nice to sink into that squishy blue carpet.
  • If the people in my head are happy it means i soon have to force them into an unpleasant situation because it would be too boring if the people in my head were always happy.
  • This is a basic outline of what my teacher said in biology today: “…photosynthesis…carbon dioxise…glucose…photosynthesis…blah…repeating the obvious…optimising photosynthesis to grow max amount of food for max profit…blah…OMG POST-APOCALYPTIC CANNIBALISM+REFERENCE TO A MEL GIBSON MOVIE AND OH MY GOD ALL THESE HORRIBLE THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN DURING OUR LIFETIMES…must stop smiling about cannibalism….photosynthesis…blah…” i was quite glad he mentioned the doom and gloom actually, it keeps things interesting
  • Though it did make me think “mmm…eating my own ninja children”, probably as a direct result of having a crush on the web comic character Dr McNinja (i know that is so amazingly nerdy, but come on! He is a doctor AND a ninja with irish heritage!)
  • I am getting obsessive with various web comics, forcing myself to read all the thousands of archive comics. Okay, i only do this and keep up with: Dr McNinja, Exiern (not entirely sure why, its target audience is “guys who like obscenely huge breasted women with swords”), Sequential Art, Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal (which is genius), Diesel Sweetness and although they don’t get updated that often: See Mike Draw, The Rut, Pencils at Dawn and Urf (See Mike Draw and The Rut create Urf together and Pencils at Dawn is there comic competition…like a comic-off or something).
  • I might have to do a guitar shoooow (i know i complained about this before, but im a really whiney person)
  • My back aches. This is all my fault, i am slumping and i chose a chair with no back support…


I need sleep. I can always complain later.

Vampires and Virgil

So prize giving happened on Thursday. Okay that isn’t an interesting event at all. I might have been the only person to go simply because they like serving drinks and feeling helpful rather than going because we all feel pressured to help out at school so we can become prefects next year. I would suck as a prefect anyway. On prize giving night i did start reading Twilight, Jess wanted me to so we could bitch about how awful it is. Yes, i hate hate hate Edward Cullen. I can understand why a lot of girls (particularly at my single sex school, particularly the people i know who aren’t allowed boyfriends) might find him a perfect imaginary substitute. He is after all completely flawless.

He is a bloody Mary-Sue (yes, i was once rather into fan fiction which just turn into self-obsessive writing hence the existence of this blog)! His eyes even fucking change colour according to his mood!That is simply pathetic. Stephanie Meyer has used being a mythical creature as an excuse to make him so strong, beautiful, fast and random other powers (he can read minds…except Bella’s. Ooooh. Deep) and then taking away all the faults. For example: he can go out in daylight, the only side-affect is he sparkles (seriously, what is with that?) and he is a “good” vampire who only drinks the blood of animals (fucking wuss). Where is the darkness?! Where is all the awesome being a vampire implies!? You might say he has to resist eating Bella. However, this only serves to strengthen their love as it makes him more protective and loving.

Their love. Bella is ready to give up her whole life for him. He becomes her life. She doesn’t even freak out about any of the being a vampire stuff. He is the strong, dominant male who will always be there for her. She doesn’t even mind that he watches her in her sleep, which i find a bit creepy. He is a bit like some kind of Christ figure to her, always watching and protective, mysterious, willing to sacrifice himself for her, other-worldly perfection…which is slightly creepy.

To be honest, apart from how awful Edward is, it is a pretty standard teenage fiction book. I was never going to like a book by a huge muse fan. I have no idea how something so mediocre became so huge. Though i will admit it was nice to have some light, candyfloss reading after The Plot against America which just made me severely depressed (though i didn’t like the anti-climatic ending).

Gah what would i know. I have been a walking-bag-of-cliches-with-a-guitar-strapped-to-it’s-back this weekend. I wore tortoiseshell sunglasses to tescos. I put most of my cds in a shoebox (it created more space in my bookshelf+makes them look more impressive!). Went to guitar lessons, we might play a show at christmas time. You imaginary internet people should all come and see me fail at playing tracy chapman whilst electric-guitar-dude (whose real name is not quite so impressive) rocks out a Metallica solo and my brother funks along as David Bowie.

Though i doubt anyone who doesn’t know me reads this blog. Though a post of Love will Not let the Poet Sleep does get more hits than you would think (that’s still not a lot). I wonder if any Latin students could sympathise with translating Nisus and Euryalus by Virgil? Hannah is quite upset with the bloody descriptions (“as he lay there dying, still vomiting his crimson life’s breath and bringing up wine and gore together…”, she is going to be terribly upset when we get to the part when their heads get stuck up on poles) whilst i am laughing at the idea of people hiding behind great mixing bowls to escape death (Oh silly Rhoetus).The Cambridge Latin Anthology is hilarious as far as i am concerned (“their heads were lolling. He cut them off”).

Though i do want to know Who even are these people who get named then brutally murdered? They should have their own little comical section of the epic which goes into greater detail about Fadus, Abaris, Herbesus, Lamus and young Serranus and their night of gambling. I could probably make a low budget film about it (probably accidentally ripping off Henry V) which would become a latin-student-cult-classic. If such a thing exists.

Finally a Doctor Who Update!

Very very amused to see that an “alternate doctor” in the 2008 Doctor Who Christmas special will be played by a Liverpudlian. i.e David Morrissey (and not my biology teacher unfortunately) who is tipped to be the next doctor. Which is in some ways a shame because i had convinced myself that it was going to be Russel Brand or Bill Bailey simply because this is what my friends dream of. But he was in Blackpool with Tennant! And played Colonel Brandon, who i love btw, even though Morrissey isn’t as hot as Alan Rickman was (obviously no one who has ever played Gordon Brown can be hot).

Rawr i am so tired. Have been helping out at prize giving. type later. sleep now.

Party Barge!

I am much much better. I no longer have disgusting mouth ulcers! I am however still being creepily obsessive about David Berman. Right now i am listening to Lookout Mountain, Lookout Sea which i bought on Sunday. How could you not love that album? It is one of the few albums I’ve bought where i actually like every track and not just a select few i listen to over and over again. Plus it has a chord sheet for guitar  on the inside (dead useful as i suck at memorising chords) which says “silver chords: anyone can play these songs. just put your fingertips on the polar noses + strum. love D.B” in Berman’s adorably childlike handwriting. Also the album cover art has Babar on it! I used to love it when my mum read me Barbar. IN other creepy obsession news i got Berman’s poetry book “Actual Air” which i mainly love, though some of it i actually can hardly understand (favourite poems…um i did have a list then i was like “oh but i like that too!” until it came to be too long a list to type).

I read most of the book on a bus ride when the evening was getting dark (its winter time again! it so odd after all the sunshine) which made everything better somehow. I love nearly empty buses. I was on my way to a dinner celebrating Zoë’s 16th birthday and we were all very excited for her because she is now legal can now buy lottery tickets. Yeah. So she took me, Isabel and her boyfriend James (this was the first time I’ve met him though they’ve been dating for a while now. verdict: nice and doesn’t mind if we make jokes at Zoës expense which makes things fun) to an Carluccios, which was awesome as always, and we got up all sorts of exciting japes and high jinks and we capered and frolicked all night long.

Just about everything is going well. Except french. And me asking my biology teacher if he would give his kidney to his mother is her own kidneys failed like he presumed they would (he wasn’t offended by this, but yes it was insensitive. Also if you ask him a question he makes eye contact with you the whole time he’s answering which is generally a while and this is very disconcerting). I am also getting very annoyed with the people in my book (The Plot Against America by Philip Roth) and occasionally say things to Hannah like “honestly! He’s bloody well getting brainwashed by Kentucky tobacco farmers!” and the like.

Suffering Jukebox

I am spending far too much time in my head. This happens when i don’t feel inclined to talk or like now when i find it hard to talk due to gloopy stuff sticking my mouth together in a futile attempt to soothe my mouth ulcers (disgusting i know. I’ve never really looked at the underside of my tongue before and frankly i don’t like it). So i am reading Markus Zusak (love love the name) and ignoring people and spending time thinking about strangers and daydreaming.

 I keep thinking about these two people on the two different buses i can take. One of them i christened “big, blond viking guy” because that was my first thought on seeing him (though now it would probably be more “boris-johnson-a-like”). He always seems to be wearing the same suit with clumpy shoes. He is very red in the face, its a lumpy face, and looks rather nervous despite his size. He is on the double decker bus i take most often and we get off at the same stop. I once saw him out shopping, with who i presume was his wife, and i felt shocked at him invading my place (yes, i find shopping at sainsburys a wonderful adventure).

The second has no real nickname, only when i see him i think “oh no, its the scary guy”. He has a very cold, sharp face with blue eyes and hes practically bald. He looks quite old, but wears a long green jacket with a fluffy hood with mod symbols on it, which i find rather worrying. He gets on the single decker bus i only get on every now and then, despite it being the quickest way to get home. He gets off at the same stop and, he probably isn’t aware of this, we race. He takes a different route to get to the same road and he always beats me, even when i tried his route. The other day i was very confused when i was getting of my double decker bus thinking “oh, there’s big blond viking guy. I wonder how…” and there scary guy was. Coming off a different bus which made me so confused. I see him around some times, it makes me uncomfortable.

I probably spend more time thinking about strangers then people i know around me. Not my friends obviously, i think about them a lot, but just the people i see everyday. Like the people in my class who i could get to know, i don’t really want to know. Sure they are mainly really nice. I like talking to them, its nice when they notice me or presume i know stuff and i gladly accept the chocolate they hand out on their birthdays. But I want to talk to strangers. I know that sounds weird and goes against everything those bright and shiny videos taught me when i was younger. I’ve been staring at this picture of David Berman, thinking (okay, wishing) he was here because he’s staring right at you and he just seems so much more real. I don’t know him, i am not even a hardcore Silver Jew fan but i know i could stare at that picture all night imagining us talking.

I would tell him how i watched the video for “Punks in the Beerlight” and then watched Planet of the Apes, only to discover the clips for the song where actually from Beneath the Planet of the Apesso i watched that too. Then we could talk about the films, how relieved i was that Brent didn’t kill Nova and why he appeared to be doing so, if we preferred Brent or Taylor (i actually can’t decide) and how what the films made us feel about humanity (to sum up: we’re disgusting) even though they aren’t amazing or deep films or anything. I would ask him what hes reading (in this picture hes holding a magazine or newspaper) and i would just listen to him talk and talk in that wonderful Virginia accent. And while he was talking i would think about his attempted suicide, and how i hoped he was happy with his wife and no longer suffering from depression, how much im looking forward to reading his poetry and god how pathetic i am to care so much but lets not think about this now because i’m talking to David Berman…

But this is just tired talking. Apparently the mouth ulcers indicate i am tired and rundown. How can i be rundown when i now know of the existence of the word “swash”? When i had cover lesson french and the cover teacher didn’t show up until 20 minutes before the end of the lesson? When im having a 1920s party in history next week where im pretending to be Kelly Wright, a telephone operator? When my cat is being so affectionate and looking better and is rather addicted to milk? Everything is going great. Really great.


I am in an exceptionally good mood despite only having several hours sleep. Hannah’s birthday party! Now Hannah’s birthday is in fact on the same day of mine, in June, so you could say this was a bit late but it was awesome. We went to an italian restaurant and made friends with the Australian waiter Brendon- by asking him the correct pronunciation of ‘tiramiso’, making him origami cranes out of a napkin, putting our glasses in a smiley face pattern, arranging glasses to say “HI!” and wishing him happy birthday for 2 days ago. Hannah’s friends from outside of school, Scarlett and Ella, were there and it wasn’t awkward at all, we all bonded over laughing at Ellen.

The rest of the evening was spent watching Casanova (even Ellen now thinks David Tennant is quite cute now) which was lovely and smexual, playing Twister which was painful yet amusing, singing random songs (disney mainly), playing Hide and Seek in the dark and talking talking talking until 5:30 am. All this energy meant that when i came home i was jumping around demanding to go to the Opera which was unfortunately sold out. I was slightly disappointed that it looks like i wont be able to get tickets to go see Tracy Chapman’s first tour in like a decade (which only has three dates, only one in London and that is on my brother’s birthday) but i did get tickets to go see the London Philharmonic Orchestra play:

Debussy-Le Martyre de St Sebastien, symphonic fragments
Rachmaninov-Piano Concerto No.2 
Tchaikovsky-Symphony No.6 (Pathetique)

According to my father this is amazing music but i’m mainly going because it is being conducted by Vladimir Jurowski who made a great impression on me (i know that is such a stupid thing to say) when i saw him conduct Die Fledermaus at Glynbourne (which is such a beautiful place i forgot how painful it is to stand up for a whole opera). He was conducting entirely from memory and when he wasn’t needed he would be mouthing along with the singers.

Unfortunately, i have not done any any work. I am not prepared for tomorrow. But at least not all of my life is now just going to be spent waiting to see David Tennant in Hamlet.

Back to School

First day back at school. We basically did nothing except a few pieces of admin stuff and got told not to ever ever  ever  (i love playing with text effects) touch the glass on the windows because my form lives in the old building of the school (as opposed to the new building which has windows which open when there’s too much carbon dioxide in the room or whatever) and therefore the glass will break. And that is it we are dead. The few precious days before school were spent with friends, mainly talking about newly adopted hairstyles (i know i know) and bitching over hot beverages. I also received a piggy bank which is in the shape of a bomb as a happy and entirely appropriate gift from Ellen. It is a laughing bomb. In fact it is laughing so much it has big ceramic tears in its eyes. This is probably because it is thinking of living up to what is written on it, i.e “the next time i see you i shall kill you”, and it is laughing at my scared face when i wake up in the morning and see it on my desk and suddenly wonder if maybe Ellen would kill me for a joke.

I am not feeling in the best of moods having just watched The Painted Veil, a thoroughly depressing and at times disturbing book, but just about tolerable as a film because Edward Norton is damn fine. However, they sentimentalise it a lot which is vaguely confusing, just like the weird flashback opening which is completely unnecessary. Far too many flashbacks. That is what you get for not sticking true to the book. The soundtrack was incredibly good but i mistakenly thought it was all actually famous (the only non-original music is the Gnossienne no.1 by Satie which is eery and haunting so why would they play it at a party?). The problem with Edward Norton is that they didn’t make him nearly creepy enough (that and the quite high pitched english accent, though that was slightly endearing really) and Naomi Watts…i don’t have a problem with her i just hate her character Kitty because she is such an idiot (though more annoying in the book because you aren’t distracted by how cute Norton is and the film doesn’t show just how much she secretly hates the chinese orphans she looks after).

Also depressing:

  • Sucking at guitar (lessons start again tomorrow)
  • Geography coursework (i want to do good i really do)
  • Caring a lot about Sarah Palin, there is a burning hatred which means i keep wanting to hand out pamphlets about how much she sucks and sit in Starbucks self-righteously reading books with titles like “Normal Hockey Mom? Yeah Right”
  • Not having enough time for anything (my own fault really, i can’t organise or motivate myself)
  • Not liking Hannah’s alter-ego. Hannah with straight hair has a new bitchy personality.I don’t mean she really is bitchy, but looks like she should be. So she is now Tiffany Isabel Locklear Walsingham- a rich aristocrat with an art studio and a canadian hockey player boyfriend called Marcus.
  • Guy-with-a-beard-in-Waterstones thinks me, Hannah and Ellen are extremely weird. So did everyone else in Waterstones. And every other place we went to. Jess, who accompanied us, would be spinning in her grave if she was actually dead.
  • I went on a long rant about cutting off peoples hands today, Divya just accepts this as me being me (i have small hands okay?) however someone else was listening in on our conversation and obviously thinks im crazy even though as far as i am concerned wanting to cut off someones hands and preserving them is a compliment

Potter and Palin

Yesterday i went to London and hung out with a bunch of strangers. This was at the request at Imogen, the 2nd time we have done such a thing. However this time instead of a Nerdfighter Gathering it was an equally nerdtacular Harry Potter gathering at Platform 9 3/4 at Kings Cross Station so we could try and board the Hogwarts Express seeing as it was September 1st. It was an amazingly fun day, everyone was so nice and some people came every year and got all dressed up and we played Harry Potter related games (including a quiz!), ate pumpkin pie (at least i think it was) and drank homemade butterbeer(which was delicious). The group, which became quite a tourist attraction, eventually split in two. Me and Imogen went with one half of the group (made up mainly of people who all went to Terminus, a huge HP conference, together) to Leicester Square and we ate lunch at pizza hut and discussed randomness, then went to Cybercandy. I hate to admit that of all the colourful things in that store all i wanted was a can of Barq’s Rootbeer. I have only had cheap sainsbury’s rootbeer for a year and Barq’sis my favourite brand of rootbeer and i am so thirsty right now. I am so glad Imogen gets me to do that kind of thing. She finds something cool and unusaul and it ends up in a good time.

Of the things we fans discussed was Sarah Palin. There are things you can like about her…then again I dislike her a) because she is a republican enough said and also for these reasons:

  1.  She has a bear rug on her sofa which creeps me out (it just seems a bad omen for someone nicknamed Bumblebear). Hunting for almost all her life and eating mooseburgers also seems weird and makes her strangely at home with guns, but i guess that is just an Alaskan thing.
  2. John and Hank Green don’t like her. Bad sign!
  3. She is meant to look kind of like Tina Fey. Tina Fey is a witty, funny and yes, attractive woman (who i believe is a democrat?) so this bugs me.
  4. She is also meant to look like a fantasy sexy librarian (Jon Stewart what were you thinking?). Librarians are too amazing to be associated with her. and most of them know what their job involves, unlike Sarah “what does a VP do all day?” Palin.
  5. Alaska? Seriously! It seems weird to pick someone so far away from the rest of America who only has experience in said state.
  6. She used to own a shirt which says “I may be broke but im not flat busted”  (though to be fair, that was when she was a university student). There is also the whole beauty pageant thin. Nice feminism there.

Though obviously the political opinions of a teenage girl who spent the day getting teary over Grey’s Anatomy means nothing. It is creepy considering one of these days i am going to be able to vote in the USA (or so we think, i do have dual citizenship andI have two birth certificates which i think is cool). Obviously, i get to vote in England (huh, spellcheck doesn’t recognise that word) as well but…its not as exciting andyes, no one hot is or has ever been in UK politics(i think, do correct me if im wrong). (okay, the people in my head are having dinner with Bill Clinton. so sue me). Also i haven’t been bought up to think England has this amazing government and is the best country in the world. But i have been taught to love America (though of course i love England more) and am already planning Thanksgiving dinner (i crave corn pudding. i have no idea why).