So Amazingly Busy…

Or at least that is what the tie says. “Fwah, i am so serious about revising i wear a tie”. It has been even easier to fake working today as my parents and grandparents were out leaving my eldest brother in charge, i.e an irresponsible 20 year old. Instead of revising i have been elaborating on my plans for The Joker. Briefly: He has teamed up with Dolly Parton (as played by me in my head) and they have started a band which plays some kind of country/blues(i think The Joker would be good at blues)/folk/hardcore metal shit music. The Joker is on guitar and back up vocals, Dolly on lead vocals and possibly tambourine. We have a large fanbase consisting of two main groups: 1. Creepy goth girls who love The Joker and are always sending him dirty fan mail 2. Southern women who love Dolly and thinks she should leave The Joker for someone who deserves her. Eventually the band splits after musical disagreements, Dolly gets a chat show, The Joker starts all these underground music/art projects and briefly gets involved with the crime scene again. However, in they end he and Dolly secretly marry, move to Oregon and buy a white dog with a black “eyepatch”.

Who needs physics when i have imagination?

In other news, my grandparents were being sweet today. How unlikely. They were talking about the inconvenience of long distance phoning when my grandfather was “courting” my grandmother. They are such a film, my grandfather decided to go on a road trip in a Model T ford with a friend, they drive from Chicago to Alabama to see the friend’s family. My grandmother sees them pull up to the house while she is on the swing and falls madly in love with my grandfather. This trip and their love was actually reported in a newspaper at the time. The celebrated their golden anniversary last year.  

My parents also have a romantic story. My mother used to model for an artist called Cherry Pickles, who is the wife of my father’s friend. When Cherry had a portfolio (or whatever its called) published, she asked my father to write the introduction. My father described my mother’s thighs as “solid looking”, my mother was determined to hate whoever wrote that introduction. They met later when my father had to pick her up from an airport, they went to see Hamlet together. They stayed up all night discussing the play(my father’s favourite) and bonded immensely when my mother made him read “House of Mirth” by Edith Wharton. Two weeks later, he proposed to her; she said yes but had to fly back to the USA immediately afterwards. She began to have doubts in the USA, strengthened by her family. However, he sent her a load of yellow roses (her favourite flowers) and she knew he was the one. They have been married for twenty three years.

Damn it they are hard acts to follow! I love fictional characters or real people i have seriously modified in my head. I don’t like meeting new people. I sometimes have stronger feelings for people in imaginary situations than real ones. If people don’t reply to something i say i will just ramble on and on…usually about world domination or things like “ooh then we could rip their arms off! fun!” and then will clap my hands and giggle.

Speaking of clapping, i can’t stop listening to Church by T Pain. Lights on lights off.


Cyanide Pies and All that Jazz

After watching that video, I began to wonder a lot about The Joker. Was it only me who found him strangely attractive in that video? And in cartoon form? Or who really really wanted to dress up as The Joker? I think I would look pretty awesome with the green hair and the suit. This was mainly after I did a quick wikipedia check because I couldn’t remember The Jokers background story. He quits his job to become a stand up comedian, with no support from his wife (who later dies along with his unborn child), but nobody laughs! I don’t know why this makes me so sad. Maybe it is because it that one panel there will always be (awful it may be cheesy) suffering. Then you know, he falls into a vat of chemicals and turns insane and begins to kill people with cyanide pies (pies: yays!. cyanide: connected in my mind to web comic cyanide and happiness and therefore funny, also connected to poisoning doctor who so cyanide pies=awesome!!!) and Joker venom which causes you to painfully laugh to death. I so want to give him a hug. He seems like he needs someone, has a more interesting character, unlike superheroes who are generic and squeaky clean (generally, unless a tv show wants to revamp them as all dark and broody), he would have some excellent conversational topics, you would always have the moral high ground and he has a wicked sense of humour.

You would have to get over the whole killing people evil thing though. I can forgive him because it is imaginary. Just like I can still be in love with Julius Levy (The Progress of Julius by Daphne Du Maurier), who is so unfeeling and calculating. There is one scene which disturbed me at the time where he has to abandon his hometown (due to the Prussian invasion of France) and his family tells him he can’t take his beloved cat, Mimette I believe she’s called, so he ties a handkerchief with a stone it in round the poor thing’s neck and chucks his cat off a bridge. I believe he is about…nine maybe when this happens?  But just like Elsa (oh go read the book, its good!), I can’t help but be attracted to this cold-hearted, horribly stereotyped (money grabbing jew. how original) character.

You know who isn’t a murderer and is just amazing? David Tennant. Though staring at pictures of him whilst listening to Baby got Back and trying to revise Stalin’s rise to power is slightly hard. It may have creeped out my grandparents because I was just sitting there laughing and they would ask me what was so funny and i would go “oh nothing, I’m revising The Purges”. They must think I’m disturbed. Also because I was sitting around in the dark (not for any reason, it was just a hassle to turn on the light). Fortunately I have received only positive comments about the way I look in my man shirt and tie. I like this tie. I like the feeling of wearing a tie, it seems purposeful. It’s also silk so you can just rub it all over your face when no one is looking and be all “mmm…silky”.

Another List

I need a list. A list of random things which really don’t go together in a list. Maybe it works better if you read it late at night listening to “I think i need a new heart” by The Magnetic Fields, aching in a way which hurts but isn’t enough to complain about, tensions are running high as your grandparents arrive from America tomorrow, you’re meant to be revising, you’re on an annoyingly slow computer, you were feeling good but now kind of grumpy and maybe worst of all, someone else unwrapped the new ironing board and then put in in the garage. The cold, lonely garage. Why would you do that to something all happy, shiny, new and pale blue gingham?

Events this week:

  1. My dad’s birthday: very low key, we ate an awesome indian and gave him three gifts, two books and a bottle of wine. To be fair, one of the books was quite rare and he was so excited
  2. I got an A* in a biology test: Not really a big deal because the A* boundary was laughably low, but still reassuring
  3. I watched awful films in latin lessons: my latin teacher is away again(complicated broken arm), monday we watched an awful amateur production of Oedipus the King with an excited psychology teacher and then on friday we watched Asterix the Gaul(what happened? it used to be so good!) with my less enthusiastic biology teacher who dryly noted that DVD cost £16
  4. I am having an ongoing msn display picture fight with a friend: Basically, who can find the best picture of David Tennant (as The Doctor). We both like focus on his lovely hands and she has a fixation with his neck. I see himwhen i close my eyes. I am so not complaining.
  5. I have been messaging Hannah about Greys Anatomy: I am watching online and just finished watching season 2 episode 19 so i message her on facebook about events which happened ages ago which sometimes confuses her
  6. Getting pissed off with my orthodontist: my braces were meant to come off on thursday. Bitch didn’t even tighten them or anything. Well, it isn’t her fault, but it is damn annoying and i generally feel no sympathy for people who do not realising they were causing me severe pain and sometimes seem unaware they have pointy objects in my mouth and should focus on them and not bitching with her assistant.
  7. Wishing wishing i knew the words to Church my T Pain. It is so so damn catchy.

Now a list of reasons why everything would be so much better if i lived in Oakland:

  • My mother would no longer be insanely homesick and i would be able to see my family and get free chocolate from where my cousin works
  • I could go see a live show my Abby Simons (, i have been listening to ‘My Scientist’ on repeat all day…im trying to listen to it now but i can hear Alan Sugar yelling in the background on the repeat show of “The Apprentice”
  • I wouldn’t have to hear about Alan Sugar ever again
  • Mexican food! I have only seen one actually mexican (not a tex-mex) restaurant in England. Ever. It’s not my favourite food or anything, but the idea of “super burritos” makes me very very happy.
  • I’d be near Berkeley and San Francisco. Need i say more?
  • I could introduce them to drinking tea. Not that herbal shit. I want to go into Bel Air or whatever and see a proper  tea section
  • Ditto Doctor Who. Actually, the BBC as a whole. I think you may get it on some cable, but it should just be on the TV as standard. I like the BBC. Though there may be some anti-americany documentaries…
  • It would be easier to see Hank and John Green! yays! (
  • I would prefer to be outside. I could be real wholesome. Jeez, maybe i could be the token geek on the cheerleading squad. Or just hang out at the L’Amyx tea bar, writing and drinking bubble tea (which you can’t get over here and people give you funny looks if you try to describe it)
  • I would never ever have to talk to some people again. Or even see them. I would probably find a whole new set of people i didn’t like but thats a change
  • It would give the people i did want to see a reason to come to the US, plus they wouldn’t have to stay in a hotel. My parents are always checking the American house market, in America we could afford a huge huuuuge house. With a pool. Go figure.

Writing a stupid list has just made me more annoyed. The only reason my parents don’t move to Oakland is because me and my brothers are settled here. Writing stupid lists makes me annoyed that i can’t write everything i want to type.

Sharp as a Tack

I have just taken the plaster off my finger. It looks whiter than the rest of my finger and surprisingly still hurts which is weird because i only cut it on my braces. Which are coming off hopefully on Thursday! I realise this may be a stupid way to start a blog, but watching foreign films makes me believe i don’t actually speak english and so my thoughts get muddled as i try to think in spanish or whatever. This was made worse by the fact in “Lovers of the Arctic Circle” they sometimes speak english so i was like “wow- i don’t need to read the subtitles…oh. oh wait. its english”.

I wish i didn’t speak english. Or maybe just didn’t type in english. When i am blogging or using a computer the use of phrases like “so totally” or “i was like” or really just anything i type sounds weird. I am told a lot that i am very smart. I go to a grammar school. I am the youngest and only girl in my family. My friends are nice people. This means means the only person who insults me is my brother. My brothers weird way of insulting me means i have an irrational fear that other people will also begin to point out i have a face. I have to tell myself that other people have faces, it is not just me. But then doubt sets in and i wonder if everyone is just being polite in not informing me of the deformity. So when you are smart and realise you type like a jackass, you get worried was basically the point of this paragraph.

The summarise the point of this paragraph so you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to: the internet is making me feel insecure. This is because i keep getting emails from facebook giving me my “social status”. I am apparently more desirable than less than 20% of people. Another thing. I quote (well, copy and paste): “Political power! Is a pyramid of how many people trust the people that trust you. And the people that trust them – it goes pretty far. This number also means that if you wanted to send a message or thought to the whole world, these are the people who would accept your message as trustworthy, because they have faith in people who have faith in you. Think of it as your influence and reach.” I come 47th on this list of political power. Also on the “compare people” application, my best ranking is “10th most likely to win in a fight” on facebook. On my bebo my best ranks are better, 4th most trustworthy and generous”.

 i am never in the list of hottest or smartest people…i am not sure why this is so upsetting. These lists don’t matter and the people on there are who you would expect to be voted onto these things. But i am in the mood to relish the cliched “why am i not one of those pretty, sporty popular girls? i am nice! i can be funny” etc, to expand on that just watch an american high school chickflick. On the plus side, maybe i’ll have a funny song written about me by a cute yet dorky member of a indie band. Again, see that american high school chickflick. I don’t see why anyone would bother reading this blog, just watch bad movies. All the sentiments are basically the same. Though maybe they don’t spend so much time daydreaming and attempting to do the robot to KC and the Sunshine band and just wishing that they wouldn’t feel so self conscious so for once they could just rock out and head bang to Cherry Pie by Warrant. The guys drumming on cherry pies! Does no one else love this!?

Thought: What happened to the lead singer form Warrant Jani Lane? He is…kinda cute in that video in a american glam metal way. But according to wikipedia he got fat. (weird, weird sentence to type). He apparently went on celebrity fit club 2. How utterly depressing. But wikipedia also says Warrant have gotten back together. Hmm…looking on his new website, he is no longer fat. I guess reality TV has its uses after all…unless it was all faked and the celebs were are just in it to try and restart their careers and were secretly wearing fat suits the whole time. Anyway. He is no longer fit. Damn. But the lady woman in that video married him! Jeez!

Second thought: Wikipedia has so much information it is untrue and i actually spend all my IT classes flicking through stuff. For instance, i know all about the iranian crown jewels (which are awesome) and the biggest jewel heist in american history.

Third Thought: Tom Waits. His music is really like nothing i have heard. Well, his voice. The music is odd, yes, but not so as creepy as his voice. Go check it out. As far as i am concerned, the song “Big in Japan” is  weirder(though nowhere weird as he gets, the Rain Dogs album is plain scary) and probably better than the stuff that is big in Japan. Note to Zoë: Melt Banana. Nothing particularly new sounding to me. Odd, but not incredibly original. Plus, the video for Big in Japan has Godzilla in it! We all love Godzilla!

Not really related to any of the above: Doctor Who. It had to be said. Loved this week’s episode! I believe something said in Doctor Who confidential sums it up (something like): “It was the convential Agatha Christie story…but the murderer was a shape shifting alien”. I believe all i can say to that is…lol. Perfect casting for Agatha Christie, well done to David Tennant for the suggestion. Also- loving the random flashbacks and the…the randomness “oh, what are you doing with that lead piping”. murdering you. duh.

Alice Cooper and S Club 7

This day has no special signifigance except that it is the tenth anniversairy of Frank Sinatra’s death. I feel kind of guilty not listening to Frank on this day but rocking out(well, attempting to rock out) to Poison by Alice Cooper. He is somehow attractive in that video. I think i might be getting jealous that he feels comfortable wearing leather. Ever since i can remember, i’ve wanted to wear loads of leather. Not necessarily in a punk way, it started off with my cousin Dave and his long leather jacket. Then Elizabeth Hurley wearing that leather catsuit in Austin Powers. Then all the people who look awesome in leather in movies. Denzel Washington (Much Ado about Nothing ), Johnny Depp (Sleepy Hollow), Antonio Banderas(um…Zorro? I’ve seen him in leather somewhere) and lots of punk girls. This need has only increased with time but its becoming more and more impossible due to the way i look so…non leather. I mean, Alice Cooper loves golf which is anti-leather but still wears it. This is so unfair but then again….

I was listening to less leatherness. Hits by S Club 7, Madonna, Tiffany, Blink 182, Blur, Pulp, Dusty Springfield and stuff. Note: It is hard to rock on when your parents are in the room watching the Apprentice and you can here Alan Sugar getting all stressy. I was “rocking” because i got an A* for my geography which i was going crazy about about.

Actual Geography lesson was getting me all stressed out because we were learning about Shanty Towns. Okay, the Favelas in Rio de Janeiro and the slums in Mumbai but shanty is too fun a word. Say it in a funny northenish accent and do a little jig. Its awesome. Shanty shanty shanty.

Im feeling much better for some reason. I think it is being home and not having to do work until the weekend. I mean i have a essay to write on odes with my english teacher father but hey. My brother is being forced to make tea whilst i am chanelling the awesomness of Poison! I don’t work in Chemistry or maths! I spent English (i love it but we were in a computer room) researching the biggest jewel heist in American history! I successfully sympathised (i hope) with most of my friends! This morning i listened to most of Rumours with my mother in the car! I think my hair looks nice! My shoulders aren’t aching so much! I might not fail my GCSEs! I read through a facebook thread on a latin group about ablative absolutes and understood it! Hopefully this mood will last through french tomorrow. I am Olivia Payne and i can do this! (I find my own name very reassuring. look at me! i have a name! Muhahaha!)

Think Positive!

I have had a lot of thoughts today. I know that doesn’t quite make sense, but my grammar is all mucked up after latin (e.g “i am having been lost that sheet on deponent verbs. god, do not get me started on deponent verbs). I have also been trying to think positive. I am trying to love summer. You get to listen to trippy music and wear a bandanna (what my parents opinion on this look: you look like a californian student who wants to work on a shared farm in Israel). Right now though i am in my pyjamas(stripey bottoms, beatles t-shirt with the faces half gone), listening to New Slang by the Shins on repeat (I’m not generally a Shins fan, but this song so goes) and…being slightly concerned by my use of brackets. I noticed this whilst doing my geography (about urban zones as defined by the Burgess Model. i know what that means!) and became rather worried as i began doing it to my own thoughts.

Livvi: Ooh, would you look at that i am using so many brackets (hopefully it still makes sense)

The second Livvi: No! It’s awful! You shouldn’t have wasted all that lesson time listening to *name blanked out for my dignity* (although that was fun)

Maybe i am just being stupid. Maybe you can’t use brackets inside your mind. But they feel like …bracket thoughts. Am i making sense? I haven’t been feeling like i make much sense recently.

Feelings Livvi has recently felt:

  1. The satisfaction of starting a new list- lists are awesome, you can order shopping, reasons not to do work and hot guys (as a birthday present for a friend, me and Jess annotated a copy of the Da Vinci code. it included lots of lists…usually about which of the characters we wanted to sleep with)
  2. Aaaah-the-work-is-crushing-me feeling! I hate this feeling. Especially as my shoulders actually ache from hunching over work. I have been avoiding work. Right now i am avoiding geography. Why can’t it just go away?
  3. That-paranoid-maybe-i-am-insane feeling. I have this one a lot. I am not insane. This is know. I wish i was insane because that would be an excuse for all the stupid things i think.

Livvi: mmm…he smells of freshly washed and ironed shirts

Randomer: That is so totally wrong dude!

Livvi: Oh its cool, im insane

Randomer: Oh awesome-maybe i should write a book about knowing you

see? everyone is much happier in this scenario  than the one where i say the opening statement and a friend whacks me round the head.

4. Can’t-everyone-just-shut-up? feeling. Everyone in my house is kind of stressy due to lack of internet (i’m writing this on my  mums bright pink shiny laptop) and me and both my brothers have important exams (GCSEs and university…stuff) and my usually bright pink shiny(well, not pink) pets are all ill and my cat especially is in the jaws of death. Ish. She might actually be getting better but still. She never did like to cheer humans up

5. I don’t knowness! I feel unable to answer questions or anything. This is probably why i am avoiding geography work, i am so freaked about getting it wrong. i freak about getting things wrong so much i never actually do anything which is so much worse

Trying to think positively has evidently failed. I am still happy, just…in a very negative way

You know what sucks?

Maybe you don’t. You need a list of things which suck, as defined by me.

1. Chemistry. I spent chemistry drawing stick figures. This is a stickman i would write, with a little stickman next to it. This is a stickman squashed by a shovel. Drawing of a little squashed and crooked stickman. Fun.

2. Osmosis fail. Our experiment totally failed. As did my graph, but that’s because i hate lines of best fit. HATE. They remind me of physics. Why must physics taint everything?

3. Flower overload. After osmosis, we did some work on sampling i.e going out onto some patch of grass, chucking down a square and counting all the daisies and dandelions in that patch. Counting 81 daisies is not my idea of fun.

4. This time of year: flies, sweat and exams. Not being able to drink tea when i get home because of the heat. Having to take a crowded, stinking bus. Revision revision revision.

5. Certain Aspectsof Reading. Don’t get me wrong, i love love LOVE reading. Hate feeling like that unless i am reading then i am essentially a nothing. All these things I’ve just read floating around until eventually i begin to believe all this stuff has happened to me and i get really confused that i am not in the Congo/having a threesome/driving in Berkley or the like.

6. Daydreaming. So dissapointed when you turn round and find it is never going to happen and in fact, it is probably best it didn’t happen. This is worse than reading. At least when you read it looks like you are doing something and you are oh so smart and wonderful and people don’t (or shouldn’t) disturb you. With daydreaming people assume you are thick. Especially if you begin rocking back and forth on the bus and grinning (i was listening to rocky back and forth music in my defence)

7. Time. I was around 13 years to late to see Dave Eggers and Bill Clinton at Chez Panisse. SO. PISSED. OFF.

8. People who make lists about things which suck. Shoot those fucking bastards.

Close but No Cigar

Where does that phrase come from? I am confuzzled! Did someone look at a cigarette once and go “close, but no cigar”? Ah well. It is thinking thoughts like that which has helped me survive a) NO INTERNET! which is why i haven’t updated…or been able to keep up with anything b) Being back at school mainly c) During chemistry. Why does this subject exist? Which brings us nicely to d) Physics. This subject is obviously just imaginary. Hello!? Atoms? Everything being made up of these teensy vibrating things? We think we’re so clever.

First week back was made bearable by two extremely hardcore parties.

Party One: Ellen’s (a.k.a Lenni, Leonard, Leonardo) 15th at Wagamas. This was awesome! We were yelling our heads off, pretending to be ood (Hannah favours wild ood, Imogen prefers slave ood), trying to eat with chopsticks (well, i say “trying” but that really only applies to me…i think i got noodle all over the people next to me), giving Ellen presents(i gave her a picture book entitled “Leonardo the Terrible Monster”-my present totally pwnd everyone else’s) and talking about the brief scene of nakedness in the production of Romeo and Juliet we saw (i got a good view, but it totally wasn’t worth it. hence all the laughter. would feel sorry for the guy, but he was an absolutely rubbish Romeo).  Wandered around afterward and almost fell in river. *does celebratory dance*

Party Two: Sophia’s Party. More noodle bar! More of me and failuriffic chopstickness! Also went to go see Three and Out  which, although i didn’t like at the beginning, got so so good! We slept over-playing twister and watching Doctor Who and Meet the Fockers. *does another slightly less energetic dance because…*

I totally ache from canoeing. Yes! CANOEING! Me and Imogen rock at it! Obviously, Imogen more than i do because she like does stuff on the river all the time but still! *hypothetical paddle five!*. This is because we get the PE option of going to kayaking (randomly, just in year 10) but today the river was flowing too fast. It was a beautiful day! Unlike last week when we couldn’t go out on the river for ages because of the lightening.

Lessons are a tad topsy-turvy. We’re studying Keat’s odes in English which can be depressing yet sometimes inspiring…slightly hypnotic. Osmosis in Biology which is fun, if only because our biology teacher is jumping around going “isn’t this FANTASTIC! It’s like a magic trick!”. More osmosis tomorrow. I could in fact get go down to my kitchen and do my own little experiment of osmosis involving potatoes and water and some kind of sugary water…but i think i may just get tea instead (whilst listening to Fleetwood Mac. Oh yeah).