My life sometimes has an odd soundtrack. This is what i was thinking on Friday, whilst listening to the tapping of the keyboard and the radio 4 shipping forecast in my friend’s bedroom. Then later taking the bus home, i was enjoying the hum of the bus until some disgusting 11 year old chavs came on and inevitably started playing and singing along to loud music. Also when i went to guitar we were learning James Bond theme tune and other music from films. Having background music just makes everything feel like a film. Especially when wondering around, and there music pouring out of shops or from the various familiar buskers along the high-street. This makes it very difficult for me to stop thinking of my life as having “scenes” and how i would film parts of it and just generally thinking in cliches.

By the way, If any of my friends need an update as to my current sitcom, I have just discovered a cure for some horrible disease in a tiny, underfunded hospital in Africa with my lover who is also a doctor(i like those white doctors jackets).  Well, that’s only the basic outline, but there is a back-story and several very touching extra details i have thrown in to make myself feel like a better person. I think me and my lover may move to somewhere in the South Pacific just because I’ve been thinking about that part of the world(plus i have a romantic perception of it because of watching the musical South Pacifictoo many times). Also because i want to go to the Island of Banaba. I can’t even type that name without getting all excited.Yays! Its called Banaba!!!!”.

I have been in a very excitable mood. This is because my cousin Dave came round with his girlfriend Emma(me and my mother think they should be married by now they’ve been together for like 9 years) and i haven’t seen them in years. I discovered Emma has seen Nirvana, Pulp, Iggy Pop, Blur and other enviable acts live. I always associate Dave with music as whenever he came to my house when i was little he would play Cardiac to us whenever we weren’t playing Worms on the playstation. As my uncle was round as well we all played Trivial Pursuit which my team won, which was surprising for me. We have guests around tonight as well, and i have to prepare to go in as one half of American Gothic for Art Week tomorrow.

How am i meant to transport a rake into school?! Hell, its meant to be a pitchfork. Or a hoe or something. I am actually screwed on the gardening tools front.

Tests, Work and Fifty Cent

The last two days i have been like “OMG I HAVEN’T REVISED” for my geography test(which i got 72% so its okay) and maths. I know i must have failed the maths test though. How do histograms work? I absolutely have no idea what was on that paper. Easter weekend should not be revision time! I spent reading-finally finished that 800+ page book. It was worth it. Have now started on 600+ page book and am making steady progress. In between reading there was numerous cups of tea, ironing whilst repeatedly listening to AYO Technology by 50 cent and randomness by Avril Lavigne(note: not my music, it was on my brother’s ipod) and doing far too much research about palm oil. I will not go on about palm oil but just one thing: As a result of the whole palm oil business, by 2022 98% of Malaysian and Indonesian rainforest will have been destroyed. It is distressing.

But i am generally in a far better mood than i was last week. Bouncing around, eating Easter eggs and lots of soup. I only got annoyed when i discovered Gruff Rhys have cut off the bulk of his Welsh Fro! His bouncing, beautiful, thick curly hair! Why Gruff why? Especially as i might be forking out an awful lot of cash to go to the Green Man Festival, mainly to see Super Furry Animals.

I realised i haven’t been on a huge book binge like that in ages. I really should read more, but instead i choose to daydream. Daydreaming has to be done to a soundtrack though, generally i rely on my radio. This means everything gets mucked around because different genres are played so the atmosphere in my head changes, then i might change station or get bored of the song and then everything turns into some jerky, disorganised puppet show. Then you have to start over again until the story goes the way you want it to. This is because daydreaming in my head is rather like a sitcom. For a start, it focuses on a secret romance. It has had numerous people getting into accidents, they may either break or leg or even go into a coma and so on, i wouldn’t be surprised if i suddenly found the characters in the middle of a dance off. I’m sure I could work it into the plot somehow. But this all prevents me from reading, reading sparks off more daydreams. But I will try to read some more tonight, no more tests for a long time i hope. Oh god i just remembered i have a french test next week. Je deteste tests de français.


Mood is swinging back and forth like crazy this week. Thursday was preeetty much shit. I spent most of the day wondering that if this moment in time was a movie scene, who would i be in it? Generally stereotypical mopey, pretentious shitty person who all the pretty, popular girls (who are the main focus of the movie) think is a lesbian as i tried to feel one of them up after i got drunk for the first time at some jocks party and then threw up and everyone was all “eeew! She is just sogross!”. That is if it was a Hollywood chick-flick, i have some hope of landing a lead role in one of those indie films. I could be like Max Fischer, that guy from Rushmore, “I saved latin! What did you ever do!?”. Although that isn’t like an indie film, it is still pretty weird and has a cool soundtrack so it still counts as indie as far as i am concerned. I slept over at a friends house after a very nihilistic conversation. We also wondered if using “hey, did you know we’re all going to die?” as a chat up line would work. We watched ‘Cabin Fever’, which is hilarious, and fell in love with its director, Eli Roth.

Today back to my house, where my brother and his-friend-who-has-a-jumper-that-if-you-press-one-of-the-pigs-on-it-squeaks(!!!!) were jammin’ on their guitars. I made an awful musical faux pas by telling my brother’s oh so indie friend that i though the be your own PET album sucked. I can see why some people might like it as its so…loud… everything sounds the same which is um…relaxing i guess….and its got all that raw energy(???)….its like got such clever(read:hackneyed) lyrics…so yeah. But i totally cannot talk about music as i spent the day skulking around  inexplicably listening to the new Mariah Carey single and being in general despair about the state of the world. I mean come on, have you seen the world recently? It’s so fucking depressing. Looking up information on palm oil (biology homework) was enough to make me contemplate wearing a headband (i look pretty awesome in them), donning a tie dye shirt(i actually own 2) and going to a save the rainforests rally. By the way, am i the only one who finds it funny that the “Friends of the Earth” website is

 Everything seems so helpless to me sometimes, like people fucking up the world. Then i end up getting stressy about things like my eyesight, which is actually pretty okay. However I almost broke down crying yesterday as i could hardly read the sign in Starbucks. Feeling even worse as a) I wasn’t paying for my Starbucks b) despite having all those fair trade signs, Starbucks is still ripping off the people who grow their coffee. I could kid myself into thinking I’m not endorsing this as i don’t actually drink the coffee, but then i would just be a prick and deserve to be beaten to death with my own probably-sweatshopped-produced converse shoes. Also being annoyed at my head for not working the way i want it to. You see someone everyday, yet you can barely imagine their face, or their voice. Your dreams are always weird and your head totally mucked up someones nose, even though that is the one nose you can actually see perfectly(indeed it is a perfect nose) and could draw blindfolded(even though you can hardly draw anything else) but no, your head mucks it all up. That person’s face in your dreams is as unreal to you as the mutant race from that mighty boosh episode. I wish it was under my definite control, you think it is but, as the annoying guy who pops up in the Cyanide and Happiness cartoons says, “you’d think so, but you’d be wrong”.

Hopefully by tomorrow, pendulum will be the other way, and I’ll be writing about the amazingess of marshmallows and maple syrup or something. We do actually have maple syrup in the house. oh joy. I can find a gazillion things ethically wrong about buying maple syrup. Thank you so much education.

Planet Savingness

I feel all eco warrior, fighter for the people today. In incredibly good mood! Despite having to act all evil during geography. Today started with research into palm oil during biology and all the crazy issues surrounding it and feeling disgusted about how people treat orangutans. I mean, some get shaved up and used in prostitution. I am not lying, i totally wish i was because that was gross and would have irkedme all day if i wasn’t laughing at a friend of mine for calling me “sexually compressed”.  Then in geography we were arguing about logging in the Solomon Islands, and i had to be on the side of an evil logging company, which was really enjoyable because i got to be all “muhahahaha! but you signed our contract! bwahahahaha! its called bribing the government darling! cower in fear locals!”. Well, not exactly like that, because my geography teacher would have flipped but you get what i mean. I would love to ramble about how to conserve the forests in the Solomon Islands and how evil logging companies(although i do get someof their arguments) are cutting down the forest at  three times the sustainable rate and they could be gone in ten years! We need to support conservationists who do not use bulldozers and only cut down 2 trees per hectare every 10 years! Livvi s worthy causes. Also I like the Solomon Islands, they have really cool wooden huts. Plus, they are right next to Dinosaur Island(!!!!!), a.k.a Papa New Guinea and part of Indonesia.

dinoislands2.png click liiink! I hope it works!

I Personally think that is a very cool annotated map(with a key!). Furthermore, planet-saving-wise, my local council have made some super changes to the waste and recycling services! Awesome! Which means i can have a compost heap, recycle food waste, no longer have to use plastic black sacks, have a better garden waste service, textile collections and a glass recycling box! Yays! Apart from yeah, i liked going to the recyling things outside my local supermarket and chucking glass bottles in as it was strangely fun and relaxing. But still! The leaflet telling me this used the word sustainable! That is a happy word! I may one day be able to say i live in the greenest borough in the UK, which is the aim of the council. So like in your faces other boroughs.   

Um…i just realised how odd that must sound to people who aren’t either me, figments of my imagination or green enthusiasts. I have had a very good day, i tend to ramble when I’m excited. But yeah, peace out.

My patio’s on fire

Okay, my patio isn’t on fire. I have been listening to too much Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci. This is because it is a very grey, rainy day and to listen to rock or dance music feels a bit yilly. Note: yilly is Hannah’s word for silly and seemed appropriate to use. I have also been listening to GZM for background music whilst i read and iron. I find ironing very relaxing and enjoyable. This is because you iron in a routine: sleeves, back, collar, front button side, front buttonhole side. I enjoy routines and order sometimes, especially when there is messiness all around. I enjoy the careful ironing in the middle of my messy house. I enjoy searching for things in supermarkets, where everything has its own place and is so calm amongst the people, all with different moods and agendas. Feeling calm when everyone else is busy. Like on Friday, i went into some odd euphoria after completing a chemistry exam very quickly and just knowing most people(not all, it was a pretty easy test) were working and i was free to daydream and play with my eraser. This may have just been because Friday morning i was rather twitchy and was twitching and jerking all throughout latin and biology so whatever was disturbing me had probably gone by exam time. My friend Jess slept over on Friday night…i went to guitar yesterday morning…its been a rather uneventful weekend. And oh great, it raining again. Some good things about cold rainy days:

  1. You get to eat soup. Soup! Which calmed me down after discovering we had no maple syrup left. By the way, one of the best moments of this week: talking to my biology teacher about maple syrup. Oh yeah 🙂
  2. You are allowed to be miserable. On sunny days everyone is all “oh my god! look how sunny it is! Why aren’t you rejoicing!”
  3. You get to dress up all warm and snuggle into your duvet
  4. Catch up reading time! But i still have like 400 pages of this book to read. I was also told it is one of those books you have to read because of the ending. I am dying here.
  5. You can emphasise a bit better with sad songs whilst staring out the window, stroking your non existent beard and mentally writing pretentious poems about  love, streetlamps and a magnolia tree you see out there

The Man of My Dreams…

The man of my dreams is quite literally my biology teacher, who has been secretly residing in my brain and popping up far too often in my dreams and in this blog. As have my other two favourite teachers: my english teacher and my latin teacher. It is particularly freaky if they all appear in the same dream. Especially as that dream will usually be set in school, so the next day i will be all “arg, which one is reality? I hope its the one with the science lecture in the overly fluffy bordello”. Bordello is such a fun word, and it was a particularly fun dream which involved destroying the evil dolls who were using the bordello as their headquarters and then playing around with all the feather boas with my biology teacher. Sounds wrong, was really quite innocent.

Reality today was not fun at all. I was in a horrible mood! Dammit i even lost my calculator today! My bad mood started during english, when people were rustling and packing things up (we were running overtime) whilst we were listening to a tape of Romeo and Juliet. Hello! People are in serious pain here! Duelling, drinking poison, stabbing themselves, weeping over lost children and plus Montague is already in mourning over his wife! But you are too concerned with putting things in your pencil-case and wondering when you can get to maths to listen! I swear i was thiiiiis close to seriously harming someone(who i don’t like anyway) when i heard her say something along the lines of “finally all that boring stuff is over and we can watch the films”. What is wrong with that girl!? I have been feeling increasingly violent recently, which is rather worrying. Cheered up a little in maths because of the cosine rule (a²= b²+c²-2cbcosA) because i just like trigonometry, i can work with triangles. I don’t like things with 4 sides. I have irrational hatred of the number four. Its too…even. So inexplicably annoying to me! Things always come in fours, fours are oh so convenient. Unless you are a family of 5 so someone always has to share and that is very distressing when you are a young child and you wanted a whole cookie for yourself.

Aaanyway…then we had french. When i am annoyed, i can say lots of things about french which aren’t true and which i don’t actually think. Like how it sounds so stuck up and ridiculous and how people look very snooty when they speak french. It is probably just the suffocating atmosphere of the classroom. Its is always so silent and full of…grammar. I have no idea what it is about french grammar. I can happily chat about latin grammar and do those recitation exercises  like bam, bas, bat, bamus, batis, bant which are the endings for the imperfect tense, or “wassing and wereing” as my latin teacher says. I could go on. I could recite my noun tables, including neuter nouns! Even the ablative case (which is means by or with), which is actually the same as the dative case(to or for)! Ask me to do the same for anything in french and its like “um…je don’t speakais français”.

Then PE. Tennis isn’t so bad. Having to share a court with overly hyper popular people in your form is just plain awkward though. It is not like they were being mean or anything, their conversations and behaviour just took up the whole court so me and my friends were silently hitting the ball to one another in a rather dejected manner. Then chemistry. We were going over a test which i had failed rather miserably in, so i was daydreaming, yet in a rather gloomy manner. I do not know why i am so against my chemistry teacher. He is very nice but oh so pretty. That is not a good thing. I mentally said the word pretty in the same tone most people would say the words thief, murderer or liar. At least thieves, murderers and liars are vaguely interesting. Maybe it is this severe dislike just comes from chemistry being last thing on a Thursday. Plus, chemistry! My chemistry teacher is in fact a biology teacher, so i feel rather cheated.

Watching skins would possibly cheer me up more if i didn’t know what already happened. But ah well, i don’t think you are allowed to be troubled when you have just been presented with tea and…some kind of chocolate pie dessert. One word: wow!

Ham Rollz

Is it only me who finds The Teenagers so adorable, with their love of “ham rollz” and cheeky frenchness despite the lyrics? Lyrics such as in ‘Homecoming’ where the man is talking about how he had great, dirty sex whereas the woman he had sex with is all “oh my god, i think I’m in love” or ‘Fuck Nicole’, “alcopops and ketamine this is a cocktail for my queen, fuck Nicole” so on and so forth. That had absolutely nothing to do with my day. Except if you want to find a link, there is a picture of Gruff Rhys in one of my schoolbooks, Gruff is part of Neon Neon, who’s debut album Stainless Steel is out on the same day as The Teenagers debut album Reality Check. Go buy! If Gruff gets more money, then he can afford to get to the magical place which is London! Then we can kidnap him and play with his adorable, bouncy hair. mmm. See, i am in a good mood. Which is weird. I almost feel like being moody so i can be all “my last post was right, this week is so awful. I’m going to go listen to my favourite song ‘Stabby Rip Stab Stab’!”. Please tell me someone out there got the reference to the emo song. Me and my friends used to sing it all the time, in fact, i occasionally see if i can remember all the lyrics. Boy is my maths teacher going to get a surprise if he ever takes in my book and sees “hearing songs about dumped gives me an erection” etc. written in it. Anyway, the only bad thing was cover lesson biology and history. Like no! The only 2 good lessons i had today! Actually, after the suffocatingness of a biology lesson without getting screamed at (we love it when our teacher is angry) geography felt so so good. I drawing climate graphs! Plus, in maths we’re doing something i totally get for once! Note: My maths teacher pouts when he can’t work out a question, tis hilarious. Also note: having to maintain eye contact with your maths teacher while you were just talking to the person sitting next to you about whether or not he would be good in bed is very awkward. Not that i fancy my maths teacher, and neither does the person i was talking to, but dammit, maths is boring. Oh, by the way, we concluded he would be satisfactory in bed as he is young, and is a rower, yet would be kinda nervous. I have noticed there is something me and my maths teacher have in common, we both feel compelled to awkwardly smile at people we make eye contact with. Damn my nervousness! But all is well, i have been stuffing my face with brownie and have been dancing round the kitchen. 🙂

Eyes of Green Green Green

I am listening to that song right now(oh Gorkys Zygotic Mynci why did you spilt up before i discovered your awesomeness?) to celebrate a good weekend! Yays! Which was welcome after that strange wish-i-could-whack-peoples-heads-off-with-a-big-shovel feeling. No one in particular was annoying me, i was just incredibly frustrated all week and most of Saturday. This is due to practical science exam things which count for 25% of my science GCSEs and they would drive anyone insane. But then Hannah invited me round to her house! I have only been to her house twice, it is a realm of magical possibilities and mess. It is so nice to go somewhere not afraid of being messy, like a normal house should be. We bounced around….bounced around….bounced around with her younger brother(who thinks I’m crazy. it’s so sweet)….then we settled down. Yet we i could not settle as we were watching Casanova, starring the simply gorgeous David Tennant. There are lots of pictures of and declarations of love to David Tennant all around Hannah’s house as her sister loves him. Who can blame her? He was simply stunning as Casanova yet it was so damn heart wrenching! I was squirming like “aaah! that can’t happen!” and Hannah was shushing me as she has seen it before. Actually, the song Eyes of Green Green Green always reminds me of Hannah. Her eyes aren’t even particularly green so I’m not sure why. I guess maybe because they are both very calming…or the part of the song which goes “to see see see” like in those rhymes where you clap someones hands(great description), which me and Hannah do sometimes. Gah, next week is probably going to be awful again. I also have far too many books to read, long books. Well, not very long, just longer than my concentration can hold out. Yet David Tennant is bouncing around in my head, looking all adorable in his Casanova get up. I wish i was in Venice, having scandals with dashing,dandy men in leather boots and swishy silk jackets. I wish for a lot of things though. I may go make one of those wishes come true actually, i am off to get some tea. Maybe with…a biscuit!

Today is World Book Day!

Okay, sometimes World Book Day is celebrated on April 23rd, but in the UK its the first Thursday of March. Plus, the contrast of World Maths Day and Book Day is fun 🙂  except there must be all these mathematicians who must suddenly realise how much maths sucks in comparison to English and dissolve into a small pile of protractors and calculators due to the awesome power of books! *Maniacal Laugh*. But dammit, i spent all day in a series of science lectures. One one DNA profiling(which was okayish), the next on the science of ‘spinning things'(fucking hate physics!), then on pheromones(too many bad sex jokes) and a cool one on science and magic. I am now incredibly tired due to my hyperness on the coach home, talking about Anglo-Saxons vs. Vikings(Anglo-Saxons FTW!), the coolness of S Club 7 and their role in primary school discos, setting fire to Ellen, tearing Ellen apart to make pillows out of her and starting a pillow fight, how much we love Ellen(we do, its just so fun to tease her) and how we would have to say “rubbish” with a Liverpudlian accent for the rest of our lives thanks to our biology teacher. Try it, shouting “rubbish!” in the accent is addictive. If anyone has any suggestions about staging a 1990s disco it would be much appreciated. We so far have: S Club 7, Steps, the Ketchup Song, Who let the dogs out and Follow the leader for the music of the disco, we would wear leggings and “elaborate”(i.e something other than in a ponytail or just down) hair, be smothered in body glitter and shiny makeup and eat iced gems and party rings. Awesomeness! I wished i had done something more bookish though. We didn’t even have book character dress up day! We have “portrait day”. Coming as your favourite work of art?! Art having a whole WEEK and the only thing the English department getting is free £1 book tokens! Rubbish!

Today is World Maths Day!

Yes, world maths day is upon us. The exclamation mark in the title was like, so totally ironic. Though i did actually have a rather fun maths lesson today. I am  in the bottom maths group, though….i go to like a grammar school so i am failing maths in an incredibly intelligent way. My teacher is young, desperate to please, doesn’t realise you can sometimes see his black boxer shorts and does not iron his shirt very well. I have actually had a word with him about his shirt. And his tie. He is very apologetic about it. I forgive him because his laptop has a finger scanner(!!!!!!!!!!). So, anyway, today in maths he was all “how do you know i am telling you the truth about this rule? i could be making it all up!” and we had to prove the rule exists and works. Oh, if you are a maths-lover than we were proving the sine rule of a÷sinA=b÷sinB=c÷sinC. I thought it was cool because a) my maths teacher is so adorable when he tries to get us all enthusiastic b) because he loves maths so darn much we tend to actually get enthusiastic c) its preferable to just being told “this is the rule. use it”.  The rest of the day was uneventful, except playing ping pong in PE. I usually really enjoy history, yet today i sat there flicking through the textbook reading about the cold war (way more interesting than the league of nations). I am always surprised when i see pictures of JFK, he doesn’t look as he does in my head. People(read as: older, well-respected, powerful men) are always more attractive in my head. Yet then again it would be wrong to print hot pictures of Kennedy. Especially in a history textbook. Rawr, whenever i think of school i get “Jungle Boogie” stuck in my head.l This is as my uh…unorthodox shall we say form tutor keeps playing the Pulp Fiction soundtrack. That is however nothing compared to him miming eating pens to demonstrate the passive in latin. If you are wondering, it helps you learn the passive because if you are eating a pen you say “I am eating a pen” which is the active, yet the pen would say “help! i am being eaten!” tada! Passive! I unfortunately love taking latin GCSE. It isn’t very useful, except in conversations where i can be all “hah! i have the knowledge of the gerundive case! fear me!”. Actually…*shuffles feet*…the gerundive case is awesome. Take the sentence “ei moriendum est”(apologies for spelling Mr L), it is in the gerundive case. It means “he must die”, but if you translate it literally it means “there is a dying which must be done by him”! Hey, it makes me happy. As does knowing “Conflicting Emotions” by Catullus! I can say it in latin! Translate if effectively! Hah! Can your so-called Superman do that!?

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